Page 72 of Ruined

Would he say, “I love you too”? And would he mean it in the same way I mean it? Romantic love, not just familial love from a father figure to his son. Would the words scare him? Trigger another bout of guilt? I can’t be sure. Not yet. And I’m not sure what I’d need to become sure.

“What’s wrong?” He puts a hand on my neck, gently tilting my head up to meet his gaze. What he sees in my expression makes him frown, and I shake my head, mouth tightening.

The sound of my phone ringing cuts through the tense silence. I scramble to find it and read the name on the screen. At first, I think nothing of it, so I answer, but when I look down at the man lying under me and the implications of what’s happening, my stomach twists uncomfortably.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, honey. Sorry I haven’t called; I’ve been busy with work.”

And Fabio? I want to ask the bitter question, since she’s called me maybe twice since I moved away from home, but the look of discomfort in Logan’s eyes gives me pause.

“Are you with someone?” Mom asks.

Logan freezes under me, and I freeze too, staring at him. He looks like he’s trying not to breathe, as if Kim can hear him through the phone.

“N-no,” I reply, heart racing. “I’m in my room.”

“Good. I talked to Mason the other day. He said he saw you.”

“Y-yeah?” My heart is hammering against my ribs. He didn’t tell her about me and Logan, right? He said he wouldn’t. Although it wouldn’t be the first time he’d done something I begged him not to do. “Wh-what did he say?”

“Nothing much. He seems to be doing well.”

I exhale a sigh of relief. Her tone doesn’t indicate anything’s amiss, so I think the coast is clear. Logan is still staring at me, though, and when Mom starts talking about how Fabio is building her a pool house, I listen with half an ear, frowning, lost in thought.

What happens when she finds out about me and Logan? If she hears about it through gossip or if she runs into us on the street, what would happen?

Keeping our relationship a secret was rational at first, but as time passes, it’s getting built up to this huge thing. It is pretty huge, for my mom most of all, I suppose. Logan is her ex, after all. It’s weird; I know it is, and I doubt her reaction will be any sort of positive. I don’t know how to tell her, but I don’t think it matters; there’s no way of telling her that won’t blow things out of proportion.

After what feels like forever, Mom says bye and hangs up, and the silence that follows feels too heavy, stretches too far.

“That was Mom,” I say needlessly.

Logan nods, jaw tight. “I know.” He lifts me off his lap, and my heart clenches with worry.

The judgment we’ve faced from strangers is nothing compared to facing Mom, and I have no idea how Logan will take it. All this time, he’s been so unsure about us, so hesitant. What if Mom says something that will make him finally pull away from me?

I try not to panic, but when faced with the prospect of him leaving me, I don’t know what else to do. I need to be strong, though. I need to let him know that I’m not worried about Mom’s judgment. I don’t care about what anyone thinks, and that includes her, too.

“Daddy?” I get off the bed and stand in front of him, cupping his face. He’s frowning and looking anywhere but at me.

“If…” He swallows hard. “If you want to tell her, we can.”

My stomach swoops with surprise. I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it sure wasn’t that.

“I’m done keeping this a secret,” he mutters, and his hands close around my hips. “I want you. If she can’t accept that, then…” He shakes his head.

“Then what?” I ask, because I still can’t believe this is really happening. “Would you be okay? About us. No matter how she reacts or… or what she says.”

His hands clench, digging into my skin. “I won’t leave you, Oliver. I can promise you that.”

I swallow and bite my lip. “How do you want to do it?”

“You decide.”

I think for a while, then say what I feel makes the most sense. “We’ll go home. To her house.” Nothing public. Nothing that can spiral out of our control. Hopefully.

“Okay.” He sounds calm, but I feel him trembling, see his eyes wavering. “When?”