Page 49 of Ruined

“You didn’t.”

“I did. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You made me feel so good.” Just the memory of him pushing his finger, the plug, and then the dildo inside me makes my dick twitch. “I want to try again.”

He inhales a shaky breath. I’m not used to seeing him upset; I’m used to a safe and steady presence that instantly calms me down, so now I’m not sure what to do.

“Not now,” he says finally.

“Then… when?”

“Let me just take care of you tonight. Let me feed you, kiss you, and put you to bed.”

“You didn’t come,” I point out. “You were so hard… Don’t you want to come?”

“No.” His voice is rough. “I told you, Oliver; not tonight.”

Oh. So he doesn’t want to have any more sex tonight. That’s fine, I guess. As long as this doesn’t last. Now that he’s fucked me—or almost fucked me—I can’t imagine being without sex for very long. I can’t imagine being without him, period.

While he gets started on dinner, I take a quick shower and get dressed. I’m feeling a bit blue-balled, but I did come once at least, so it’s nothing compared to how Logan must feel. God, he treated me so well. Stretched me out so carefully. He did all he could do, as far as I’m concerned. It still hurt a little bit when he tried to push inside me, but I’m okay with a bit of pain. Logan obviously isn’t, though.

Maybe he needs time. After all, a few weeks ago, he refused to give me anything beyond a hug.

Time. He needs time. And he’s not leaving.

I repeat those words in my head as we sit on the couch. I keep repeating them as we eat dinner and watch a movie. After I’m full, I lean into him, and he pulls me in and lets me cuddle close. God, if I could only make him understand how good he is to me. How patient. How kind.

He lets one little mishap ruin his day, and I suspect he’s even more careful with me than with anyone else. It’s fair, I suppose. He’s so much older. He’s got so much experience under his belt, and I… Well, I don’t.

I love that about him, though. I doubt someone younger—someone like, say, Mason—would treat me the way he does. I bet Mason didn’t spend the better part of an hour getting Lane prepared for their first time. Maybe I should ask Lane about it… Ew. Scratch that.

Logan’s age isn’t the reason why he’s so good to me, though. No—it’s just who he is.

I gaze up at him, trying to make him understand through thoughts alone. After a big yawn, I lay my head in his lap, and he strokes my hair through the rest of the movie. The rest of the time I’m awake, anyway, because I don’t remember the ending when I wake up to him carrying me into the bedroom. Half asleep, I burrow into his chest, and he shushes me and puts me to bed with a kiss to my forehead.

Safe. Daddy. Home.

The one promise I make to myself before I drift back to sleep is that one day, I’ll make him understand what a good daddy he is, what a good man he is, because I don’t think he knows.

On Thursday, I have the night off, and I spend it gaming with Lane.

We haven’t been able to get together as much as we used to, since we both have boyfriends and jobs now. Last summer was supposed to be our last hurrah before I went to college, but I didn’t go to college, and still, life has gotten in the way. When I look out the window, the sky is overcast, and the few leaves left on the trees lining the streets are all red or brown.

Mom called me yesterday. I’ve only seen her once since I left home, which feels weird but also right in some ways. When I moved away, I felt ready to detach myself from her in the process.

She asked how I was doing, and I couldn’t very well tell her that Logan is back in town and that I’m sleeping with him. That will have to be a future conversation, if it even needs to be had.

Maybe it should feel strange to have sex with my mom’s ex, but I’ve barely even thought about it. When Logan and I are together, no one else exists for me but him. It’s just us, in the moment. Our past is there, in the background, but it’s not at the forefront of our minds—at least not for me.

He thinks about it more than I do, I guess. As the twins said, it must be weird for him to see me in a sexual context when he remembers me as a child. Maybe that’s part of the reason why he was so upset last time.

“Hey, are you still there?” Lane says through my headphones.

I realize I’ve been idle for a while. “Yeah.” To prove it, I make my paladin jump and swing his axe in the air.

“Mason isn’t home, so we can talk if you want. I’m dying to hear about Logan.”

I bite my lip, tapping my fingers on the desk as I think of what to say. I decide it’s best to be direct. “We tried to have sex.”