Page 62 of The Search

“Yes, it was.” He looked back at her. “So stop trying to make me feel better and go lie down and sleep. I’m okay. It’s not as if I haven’t dealt with death before. It’s just that babies are . . . different.”

“Yes, they are.”

“I wanted that kid to live.”

“I know.”

“But he didn’t and I have to put it aside. I’ll bounce back. I always do.” He closed his eyes. “So go take care of your dog and let me sleep.”

She stood looking at him uncertainly.

“Sarah.” He didn’t open his eyes. “Scat.”

They heard the wolf howl as they were driving to the ranch. Monty sat upright in the backseat, looking eagerly at the mountains.

“I’d forgotten about the wolf.” Sarah’s gaze followed Monty’s. “At least he’s still alive.”

Beautiful . . .

“But dangerous, Monty. And you don’t need a challenge after what you’ve gone through lately.”

The wolf howled again.

“Call of the wild,” Logan murmured. “Incredible.”

“And the National Wildlife Federation wants him to stay wild. So do I. I wish the damn wolf would quit coming down and raiding the ranches.” She parked in front of the cabin and jumped out of the jeep. “Come on. I’ll give you a cup of coffee and then you can call Margaret or whoever is available to come get you. I don’t know why you didn’t let me drop you off at your Phoenix house.”

“I had to deliver you to your door. Galen would have said it was the polite thing to do. I’ll take that cup of coffee.” He got out and limped into the house. “I can use it.”

She flicked on the lights and went to the cabinet. “You don’t look so good. You need more than a cup of coffee. I didn’t see you taking any of your painkillers on the plane.”

“I ran out yesterday. I guess the doctor thought I wouldn’t need any more.”

“He didn’t know you were going to abuse yourself like you did these past five days.” She started the coffee. “I don’t think he would have recommended all that digging, much less sliding down that mountain.”

“It had to be done.” He settled himself in the easy chair and propped up his leg on the hassock. “You should understand. I’ve never known a more passionate advocate of that philosophy.”

The wolf howled again.

She stared out the window into the darkness. “I wish he’d stop. He’s unsettling Monty.”

“We wouldn’t want that to happen. I seem to have a calming effect on him. Why don’t I stick around for a while?”

She had been half expecting that suggestion from him. She should have followed her instincts and dropped him off in Phoenix. If she hadn’t been so tired, she would never have let him get his foot in the door. “Nothing’s changed since the night you first came.” She brought him his coffee. “I don’t want anyone staying here.”

“Things have changed. We’ve gone through a lot together. I don’t think you regard me as the enemy any longer.”

“That doesn’t mean I want you in my house. Why the hell did you come anyway? When you first showed up I thought you were just out of your head. We both know any action you take against Madden doesn’t have to be done from here. Something’s weird.”

“Can’t we argue about this in the morning? I’m pretty tired.”

“Then finish your coffee and call Margaret.”

“I’m too tired.” He set his cup on the table beside him and smiled faintly. “You wouldn’t kick a wounded man out of your house.”

“Maybe I would.” She let her breath out in a resigned sigh. He was playing on her feelings, but he did look terribly pale, and she knew what he had gone through in Taiwan. “Okay. Tomorrow. But that chair isn’t as comfortable as those cushy recliners on your plane. By morning you may be ready to leave.”

He closed his eyes. “You can never tell. . . .” He was asleep.