Page 50 of A Foolish Endeavor

Then, with a heavy heart, he began to pack for the journey back to Clayton House.

Lavinia stood a moment in the drawing room doorway before softly asking, “Miles, may we speak?”

Miles turned his attention from the book he was reading to see his wife, her hands folded demurely and her expression one of hesitancy.

“Of course—come in, Lavinia.”

She entered the room, shutting the door behind her. As Miles was seated in a single chair, she chose to place herself on the nearby sofa. He noted her hands were tightly clenched in her lap and she avoided looking directly at him. When she did not speak for a moment, he asked, “What did you wish to discuss?”

“Oh, so many things,” she said barely above a whisper. “What a wretched wife I must have been to drive you away and into the arms of that tavern girl. How I focused on nothing but our son during his illness, without a thought to how that must have felt to you.” She slowly raised her head to gaze into his eyes. Hers were bright with unshed tears. “Miles, I know you are a good man, and would never have sullied yourself with the likes of that chit, had I been a better wife. Please forgive me.”

Miles choked back a sudden sob, left his seat and knelt before his wife, taking her hands in his. “No, my dear one. I do not believe any person would pronounce me a ‘good man’ after what I did. I should have been more patient and more compassionate towards you. Instead, I was selfish and only cared for myself, while you spent how many sleepless nights in the nursery with our Dickie. It is I who must beg you for forgiveness. I am so sorry.” He gently kissed her hands, still clutched in his own. “I love you, Lavinia.”

The tears spilled from Lavinia’s eyes, and she bent her head to their clasped hands. “And I love you, Miles. There could never be another for me. I wish for us to be as we were, happy in all things, with our beautiful son and our happy life here. For I could not bear to spend the rest of our days living our lives apart.”

He released her hands and gently wiped the tears from her face. Then he pulled her face to his and kissed her. He felt her respond—tentatively at first, then with more ardor. Her arms went round his neck and she scooted off the sofa to join him, kneeling on the carpet.

“Dearest Miles, I have missed you so. I do not think I realized how much, being so preoccupied with our son.”

He kissed her again and again, pulling her close to him. Then, he broke away and looked at her with a questioning face. She nodded, smiling, and the two quickly rose from the floor, and, holding hands, fairly ran upstairs to their bedroom. He locked the door and the two tore at each other’s clothes to reunite as husband and wife for the first time since Dickie fell ill.

Later, cuddled in his arms, Lavinia said softly. “Now that we have begun to mend our marriage, how can we mend our reputation in the community? For I hate to think of what people are saying.”

Miles nodded. “The damage is all my fault.”

Lavinia held up a hand to silence him. “We shall blame each other no more on this account, Miles. We were both at fault and so must the remedy be ours to devise.”

They were both silent, thinking for a time. Finally, Miles said, “Perhaps we should attend the children’s summer fair together this Saturday. We shall present a loving example to all, which should quickly quell any rumors of disharmony between us—despite the witnesses to my foolish behavior.”

“I agree—that is a very good thought, Miles. We can also take Dickie with us, for he is so much better, and I think he would enjoy the sights and sounds. When the town sees us all together, it will send a strong signal that all is well with us at Clayton House. In time, this whole unpleasant episode shall be forgot—not only in Doddington, but also between us. For my part, I vow never to bring it up or to hold it against you henceforth. For to do so would only remind me of my own poor behavior.”

“How did I ever come to be so lucky to have such a brilliant, caring wife?” Miles smiled down at her.

“Now, that loving sentiment is something I believe I shall remind you of—quite regularly,” Lavinia teased.

He laughed, then kissed her and, at her eager response, moved to claim her again. Perhaps they would be fortunate enough to create a brother or sister for Dickie. Miles could not imagine anything more wonderful than that.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Every mile closer to Clayton House, Gilbert felt his anxiety grow. Fortunately, Dorothea did not seem to notice, even as he clutched his hands firmly together and hardly spoke. His mind was filled with questions. How would he confess the truth to his father about his inability to become Frederick’s curate? How could he possibly excuse his deceit, keeping all this from his family for so long? He knew that Frederick was already doing well at the two parishes and that a former rector had been filling in while the entire family waited his return to take the curate position. What would they all say when it became clear he could not step in as everyone expected? He dreaded the confrontation he knew was coming. He would disappoint everyone. Worse, he still had no idea what he might do to earn his keep and somewhat redeem himself. He could not continue to live at Clayton House forever, and his mother’s small annuity was not enough for him to enjoy the kind of life he desired. If only he had some inkling of what he might be good at, he thought, what direction he might focus his life.

I have been a sorry student and a sorrier son. Am I good for absolutely nothing? I would pray to God for guidance, but I fear our heavenly Father would not even bother with me, so dissolute my behavior has been. Why should He care?

Following their arrival at Clayton House, Dorothea and Gilbert learned that Miles and Lavinia were in Doddington at the summer children’s fair. Their father greeted them warmly and suggested they go to see their other sister and new nephew at once. Charlotte was finished with her lying-in period, although she was still not leaving the parsonage very much. Her siblings walked over and found her in the back drawing room, which they knew was Charlotte’s favorite place, as it looked out upon the small, but well-tended flower garden behind the house. After the joyous reunion, which, sadly, did not include Frederick, as he had just departed to go to his other parish, baby William was brought in by Becca, who had agreed to extend her duties as lady’s maid to assisting Charlotte with the baby.

“We cannot truly afford a full-time nursery maid,” Charlotte had explained to Dorothea, after Becca left the room. “Even with the income from the second parish, Frederick and I decided it would be best if we handled most of the care of little William ourselves. You should see how good Frederick is with him.”

Dorothea’s mouth fell open. “No full-time nursery maid? But, dear Charlotte, that is quite… unusual, do you not think? I suppose you will tell me next that you have no plans to send the babe to a wetnurse in Doddington until he is weaned?”

Charlotte smiled. “That is, indeed, our very plan, sister. For why should I deprive myself of this little angel?” She bent over the infant and kissed his forehead. “After all, it is not as if I am such an important figure in the community that all my hours are occupied by others, as was more the case in your situation. I do not wish to miss a single step in the development of our dear child. And, pray, do not tell me you will happily pay for a nursery maid, as Frederick and I believe we shall manage perfectly well.”

Dorothea could think of no reply. Gilbert studied her and laughed out loud. “You look as if you have swallowed a frog, Dorothea! Indeed, I think Charlotte’s plan is a very good one. As long as Becca proves good enough to care for William.”

Charlotte nodded. “She has, and is quite taken with our boy. He is in excellent hands. Now, enough of me, I wish to know all about your time in town. Tell me all about the balls and assemblies and parties. I do hope you got your fill of enjoyment, Gilbert. Heavens—we thought you would be gone but a week or two, and you stayed nearly to the end of the Season. And, what of you, Dorothea? Did you take much pleasure in spending time with old friends?”

“I did, indeed,” Dorothea said, and proceeded to go on at great length about some of her friends. She told funny stories and shared gossip and the three siblings laughed and enjoyed themselves for more than an hour. Then Gilbert and Dorothea departed, so that Charlotte might rest before the family dinner at Clayton House that evening.

As for Gilbert, he was happy that no one had brought up his future as the new curate at the parish, although he knew full well it would not be long before they did.