Page 28 of A Highlander for the English Widow

Amanda was tempted to ask for more details, but then she decided that she did not need to hear any more than that.

“I’m surprised that you did not return to your keep.”

“I wanted tae come see ye. Tae talk with ye,” he replied, smiling.

Amanda smiled too, although hers was forced because she knew that now she was going to have to tell him the truth. Logan leaned forward despite his pain.

“Well,” she began, but Logan interrupted her.

He took her hands and looked at her earnestly. Now that he had had something to drink, the blood from his mouth had been washed away. There was something ruggedly handsome about him and the fact that he had just been in battle, that he had escaped death, and the first place he had wanted to go wasn’t to his home but to her. It was achingly romantic and almost seemed too grand to be wasted on her.

“I thought of ye when I was fighting Bram. I couldnae let things end this way. There’s something that I haenae told ye… Moira was due tae give birth while I was away from the keep. We’d heard a rumor that Bram was in the area. I wanted tae put a stop tae him once and for all. I failed. I came back, thinking that at least I could welcome my child intae my world, but when I got there Moira was in the throes of agony. And to think that I wasnae even there…

“I didnae think she knew I haed arrived. She died thinking that she was alone, thinking that her husband would rather chase some bandit out of the land than be with her. Taenight I felt the same way. I wanted tae put an end tae it nay matter what, but when he was over me, and my life was in the balance, I knew that I needed tae survive. I needed tae get back tae ye because we hae unfinished business.

“If it wasn’t for ye, I might well hae died. I would nae hae been able tae summon the strength tae carry on and fight back because that strength comes from ye. I hae been half alive since Moira died, a living ghost haunting these Highlands, but then ye came along and inspired something inside me, something that I never thought I would feel again. Amanda, ye are spirited and kind, lovely and beautiful, and ye are everything I could want in a woman, a friend, and a wife. I hae fallen in love with ye, and I want ye tae be my wife. Please, will ye say that ye will marry me?”

They were words that Amanda had dreamed of hearing. Logan wanted her, and not because of her standing in society or because her father could offer him a dowry, but purely because of her essence.

And it stung her heart that she had to turn him down.

“I…I cannae,” she said, choking on emotion, pulling her hands away. This was the moment when her life fell apart.

Logan clenched his jaw. “I see,” he said, rearing back. “I suppose I should hae known that an English lass would never want tae be with a Scot. I’m sorry for disrespecting ye. I shall take my leave and return tae my keep now. Please give Lillie my best wishes. Tell her that she doesnae hae tae worry about Bram any longer. Tell her that she can hae a good life.”

He rose to leave, and Amanda felt her heart lurch. She wasn’t prepared for it to end like this, with him thinking that he wasn’t good enough for her.

“It’s not because of that, Logan,” she said, reaching out to clutch his arm and pull him back. “Any woman would be lucky to have you, and that’s why I have to refuse because you deserve a woman who can give you everything that you want and need…”

She paused and let a few seconds pass before she spoke again, knowing that this was the moment when she had to tell him the truth.

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you. When we spoke of my marriage, I let you believe that the duke sent me to the Highlands because he did not like my attitude. That was certainly part of it, but it was not the whole story. As you know, to many men, the idea of having an heir is important. It was to Hamilton, just as it is to you, considering that you will soon be the new laird. Unfortunately, I…I am unable to bear children. After years of trying, it was hopeless. Hamilton grew tired of the failures, so he sent me here so that he did not have to be bothered by me any longer.”

“I’m nae him,” Logan said, looking offended.

“I did not mean to imply that you are. In fact, I’m sure that you would stay loyal and honest with me if we were to be married, and that is why I must refuse your offer, even though it shatters my heart and even though I will be bereft for every day that comes after this one…because the time we have shared has been the best time of my life.

“I feel such a deep bond with you, and I…I love you, Logan. I love you in a way that I thought was impossible. I have loved you more deeply in the short time that we have known each other than I ever loved Hamilton, and with you, it is as though I am discovering life for the first time again. And it is precisely because you are the opposite of Hamilton that I must be strong and decline. You will be the laird of this land. Your family has ruled this land for generations. One after the other, they have all produced a son to inherit the position of laird, but that would end if I became your wife. I could not give you what you need, and I do not want to be the reason why your family line has to end. I would not want to bring you such dishonor,” she said, and by now the tears were falling down her cheeks.

Logan’s expression softened. He cupped her cheek in his hand.

“Amanda, that doesnae matter tae me. After what happened with Moira… I never want tae gae through that again. In fact, I was wondering how I would ever hae a child with another woman. I would be sae wracked with worry. I love ye. I hae brothers. The line of my family doesnae depend on me. I am nae the only son. Besides, we already hae plenty of children tae care for. I’m nae gaeing tae send the ones we rescued intae the wilderness. I was hoping that we could take care of them taegether, as husband and wife…as parents,” he said.

Amanda’s heart caught in her throat, and she thought she was going to faint from the emotions that were swimming through her.

“Do you really mean it?” she asked, barely able to believe her ears.

“Aye, lass. I love ye. Sae, I will ask ye again: Will ye marry me?”

Amanda’s eyes sparkled as she let the words fly around her like a soaring melody. A smile widened on her lips, and this time she was not going to fight her instinct. She was not going to let fear and doubt reign over her. She nodded and gave her assent, and then she flung herself into his arms, hugging him tightly, forgetting for the moment that he was in some pain. They kissed, and she thought about the happy life that was going to be waiting for her and how she was going to be a mother—just not in the way that she had ever expected.

20

Amonth had passed since Bram’s criminal group had been disposed of. The children had been rescued. Some of them had been kidnapped from their parents and were returned to their homes, while others were unaccounted for. There were seven girls in total, including Lillie’s sister. Amanda had wept profusely at the family reunion, and even more so when Lillie brought her frightened sister up to Amanda and told her that she could trust Amanda. It meant so much to Amanda that she had been able to earn the trust of Lillie; it gave her confidence that she would be able to earn the trust of all the other children as well.

The village was alive with the news of the wedding, and almost everyone was happy. Not all the criminals had been killed. Some of them had been captured and were now imprisoned in the dungeons. Amanda noticed that Lydia often took a package of food to the dungeons. It appeared that she was remaining loyal to Stevie despite his mistakes. There were some in the village who thought it was too soon for Amanda to be marrying again, but of course they were not aware of the circumstances of Amanda’s marriage.

In the days leading up to the wedding, Amanda dreaded receiving a letter from England—from her father—forbidding her from marrying Logan. She wouldn’t have obeyed it anyway, but even so, she hated the thought that her father might still believe he could control her life. However, no such letter arrived. For all intents and purposes, England had forgotten her and she was free to live a life of her own design.