Page 24 of A Highlander for the English Widow

Logan nodded but then looked pensive.

“What’s wrong?” Amanda asked.

“It’s just that…when I haed gone intae battle before, there was nae much I haed been worried about. But on this day I know that if Bram gets me, then I will never see ye again,” he said.

Amanda furrowed her brow. By her expression, it didn’t seem to have occurred to her that this was an option.

“You can’t die, Logan,” she said.

“I wish it were as simple as that. Amanda. If I dinnae return, there are things that I want tae say tae ye. Things I think we should talk about,” he said, but she placed a finger on his lips to render him silent. She smiled sweetly, and as he looked into her eyes, he was filled with a sense that everything was going to be fine. It was as though nothing could go wrong as long as he was with Amanda.

“Then let’s not speak about them until you return. That way, you know that you cannot die because we have unfinished business,” she said, and then kissed him as though to seal the promise.

Logan wondered if she said this because she was afraid of speaking about the future or if she truly meant that she could change the inevitable. He decided that he was not going to press the issue and simply settled into bed to enjoy this gentle morning while the thunder of battle beckoned in the back of his mind.

They shared breakfast before it was time to get ready to go. Ann had gathered Amanda’s things and was waiting by the carriage, while a servant had collected some clothes and things for Logan to take with him. He had been to tell Deirdre that she should think about making her way to the estate as Amanda had suggested, so she said she would come later once she had a chance to collect her supplies. Amanda had fetched Lillie, and Lillie looked at the carriage with wide eyes as though she had not seen anything like it before.

Logan helped Lillie and Amanda into the back of the carriage, and then he helped Ann, too, before climbing in himself. Lillie was sitting in between himself and Amanda. She was an inquisitive child now that she had recovered and kept peering out to the world as the horses trundled along. The wagon’s rocking rhythm was lulling and comforting. It was easy to believe that nothing bad could happen on a day like today, but deep in his mind, there was a gnawing sense that he might never get to tell Amanda all he wanted to tell her. Part of him was just tempted to forget the silent promise they had made to each other and blurt it out there and then, but he remained silent, telling himself that he was doing it for Lillie’s sake. Right now all of his attention and focus had to be put into protecting Lillie and the rest of the children.

The longings of his heart could wait. After all, he had waited this long, so why not a little longer?

17

It had only been a few days since Amanda had been home, but to see it appear on the horizon again made her heart leap. She smiled as she pointed it out to Lillie and was excited for Logan to be a guest in her home as well. All day she had been trying not to think about the fact that Logan might never return from this mission. It hadn’t even crossed her mind until he had brought it up. He was indomitable, and the thought of any man besting him in combat was ludicrous, and yet battlefields could be chaotic. It only took one errant swipe of the sword to cost a man his life. Sometimes it was as swift to die as it was to fall in love, and Amanda hoped that she did not regret telling him to wait. Her heart swelled with pain at the thought of him dying, and all she could do was pray and believe in his skill as a warrior.

The carriage pulled up, and Amanda was delighted to see Elaine rush up to her. She seemed to have made a full recovery from her fever. Elaine was all smiles and joy and flung herself into Amanda’s arms, and then she also hugged Ann.

“Lillie, this is Elaine,” Amanda said. Lillie was still reticent to meet anyone new, but Amanda coaxed her forward. “Elaine, Lillie has been through a bit of a bad time. Would you show her around the estate and play with her a little?”

Elaine nodded enthusiastically, although Lillie did not seem enthused with the idea. Amanda was sympathetic to Lillie’s plight, but it would not have done her any good to be around the adults as they were questioning Lydia. Amanda turned to face Lillie and once again leaned down so that she was at eye level with the girl.

“There’s nothing to fear here, I promise. The estate isn’t too big so you won’t get lost. We’re only going to be inside for a little while, and then I’ll come find you again. Elaine can be a good friend to you, I promise,” Amanda said.

Lillie slowly nodded and let go of Amanda’s hand. Elaine offered to take her to the gardens to see a strange bug. They ran off, and Amanda was glad to see Lillie able to be a normal child again, at least for one afternoon. She turned to Logan and nodded with a prim and proud expression.

He did not smile, though. It was not a time for smiling.

While Logan was technically a guest at the estate, there was no time for the usual etiquette or even a tour. They were there for one thing and one thing only. Ann led the way as she, Logan, and Amanda marched toward the kitchens, which were alive with chatter as the cooks prepared the meals and the maids and servants helped clean the estate. As they approached, they overheard some chatter.

“…I wonder if she’s ever coming back. Now that she’s a free woman again, I dinnae expect she will. Frankly, it’s a wonder she never moved on before. I dinnae think I would be able tae wait as long as she did.”

Amanda’s cheeks flushed because she knew they were talking about her, which was confirmed when the trio entered the room and the congregation suddenly grew silent. The one who spoke looked sheepish and quickly tried to recede into the shadows of the room. Amanda did not bear any ill will toward them, though. It was in the nature of maids and servants to gossip about the people of the house; she was not going to hold it against them. Besides, there were more important things to take into account. They were all stunned to see Logan standing beside her.

“Where is she?” Amanda asked in a shrill voice.

Ann lifted her arm and pointed to Lydia, who looked startled. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and she lifted a finger to the middle of her chest as if to confirm that, yes, she was indeed needed.

“Lydia, if you would join us,” Amanda said, and then turned, not giving Lydia any choice in the matter.

Amanda had thought about questioning Lydia in the kitchens in front of everyone to shame her but had then decided against it. Lydia fell into step. She was a plain girl, with freckles dotting her face and short dark hair that came to her chin. Her head was bowed, and she clasped her hands nervously together. She had a right to be worried. Ann opened the door for Amanda and Logan to walk through and then left them to it. Amanda took a seat and gestured for Lydia to do the same while Logan remained standing.

“I’m sorry,” Lydia began in a trembling voice.

“What, precisely, are you sorry for?” Amanda asked, arching a sharp eyebrow.

“Whatever it is that I hae done. I didnae mean tae dae it. Please… I need this job.”

“You misunderstand. I am not here to discipline you, I simply want to ask you some questions. We both do,” Amanda said.