Page 146 of When In Doubt

“I don’t care.”

“Let me go.” I giggle, struggling out of his hold.

“Ugh,” he huffs indignantly. “Fine, if I must.”

He loosens his hold just enough for me to wriggle out and roll to my own side of the bed. When I look over, I see him grinning at me, his fingers walking their way across the covers.

I brush his hand away. “Not a chance.”

“I’ll be good, I just want to hold hands.”

“You want to sleep holding hands?”

“Uh-huh, like sea otters.”

I hold out my hand and he knots our fingers together, his mouth pulling into a sleepy smile.

“Like otters.”

“Tell me again,” he says softly, hardly awake.

“I love you,” I whisper into the dark.

He murmurs his reply, mostly to himself. “She loves me.”

Chapter Forty-Seven

FREYA

Ithought spending my first night alone after four days at Oscar’s place would mean I got to escape his six a.m. work alarms, but something loud and annoying is pulling me out of sleep. I tug the comforter around myself, hoping that maybe if I keep my eyes shut, the ringing might go away. It tapers off and I think I’m safe, but seconds later it starts back up again.

I crack an eye open, taking in the pitch-darkness of my bedroom. Even the streetlamp in the parking lot is turned off, so it has to be the middle of the night. Dread pools in my gut. Nobody calls in the night with good news. I roll over, wide awake with the adrenaline that’s pumping through me.

Is it Oscar? He’s at the station tonight, did something happen? When I see the caller ID I almost cry.

Valerie.

It takes a couple of tries to answer the call with how badly my hands are shaking. When I do, I can’t get a word in before Valerie’s talking.

“You need to get down here.” Her voice is grave and it sends ice through me.

“To the station? Is it Oscar?”

“I don’t know.”

“Valerie,” I choke out, not sure what else to say.

“I know, darling. I’m on my way to the station now. You going to meet me there?”

“Yes, yes of course.”

“See you soon.”

She hangs up without another word, because what else is there so say? I can hardly move, it’s like my bones have turned to lead and now even standing from the bed feels impossible. Rationally, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew something like this might happen one day. I wasn’t ignorant of the fact that Oscar has a dangerous job, that he might get hurt. But knowing it and experiencing it are nothing alike. No amount of preparation could ever have readied me for the sheer terror that’s racing through me at the idea that maybe he’s not okay.

I get dressed and into my car on autopilot, barely registering anything I’m doing. Even the drive to the station goes by in a blur, and before I know it I’m pulling into the parking lot and Valerie’s opening my door.

“Have you heard anything?” I ask as I unbuckle my seat belt and get out.