Page 131 of When In Doubt

“Not physically, but her ex was a piece of shit.”

“That poor girl,” Joni breathes.

“She doesn’t trust herself enough to let me in,” I say. “I think she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“That makes sense,” Joni says. “That kind of thing can really mess with a person, make it hard to believe what’s in front of you.”

The catch in Joni’s voice makes me wonder if she’s speaking from experience.

“I’ve been trying to be patient, but I hate feeling like she doesn’t trust me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Joni reaches out to take my hand. “That must be so hard, for both of you.”

“I know it’s not about me, but it feels it, you know?”

“You’re not doing anything wrong, this is just a really difficult situation,” she says gently.

“I don’t know what to do.” I hang my head, throat tight. “I feel like I’ve done everything I can think of to get her to trust me, but it’s not enough.”

“You can’t just wipe away that kind of trauma by loving someone. It takes so much work, and you can be there for her, but Freya’s the only one who can do it.”

I don’t even flinch at her dropping the L-bomb, and fuck if that doesn’t say it all.

“You’ve just got to give her time, man,” Mack adds.

I know they’re right, and I’m trying so hard to be patient, but it still hurts. I wish she didn’t have to deal with any of this. And maybe it makes me selfish, but I wish she were able to let herself have this, have me. I know I can make her happy, if she lets me, I’ll be so good to her.

“It’s as though she’s looking at me and seeing him.”

“I don’t think that’s it. We can all see how crazy she is about you.” Joni gives me a gentle smile. “Being in a relationship again must be triggering all kinds of things and you just have to be there for her while she works through it.”

“So, I shouldn’t give her space?” Fuck. What if I’ve just made things worse…

“No, I think some time to cool off is probably a good idea,” Joni says thoughtfully. “She needs time to decide what she wants without trying to please you.”

“I never asked her to.”

“Of course you didn’t, but that’s probably what her instinct is.” I sigh. How does Joni seem to have all the answers? I should have come to her weeks ago. She’s not wrong. I always have to work so hard to get Freya to tell me what she wants. Whatever choice she makes, I want it to be hers.

“Fuck, this is all such a mess.”

“What you two have is worth dealing with a little messiness,” says Mack.

“It is.”

“Why don’t you head home, get some fresh clothes on, then you can come with me on my run,” Mack suggests.

I pick my head up, leveling him with a glare. “Why is going for a run always your suggestion?”

He shrugs. “Because it works.”

“Ugh, fine. But I’ll be an hour. I gotta make a stop first.”

Chapter Forty-Two

FREYA

It’s like I’ve rubbed sand in my eyes as I trudge toward the store. I don’t know how long I tossed and turned last night before I finally fell asleep. I just couldn’t stop replaying my conversation with Oscar, seeing the look on his face.