Page 80 of My Brother’s Best Friends Entanglement

I frown. What's wrong with him? "Yeah. What did you think I did?"

He doesn't answer. What's going on with him?

"Did you think actually I wasn't coming back?" I ask. "Why would you think that?"

He looks at the car and then back at me, as if he hasn't really decided what he's thinking. "You said you weren't going anywhere. And, I called out to you, when I saw you going to your car." He swallows and runs a hand over his face. "You didn't stop."

I sigh, feeling the genuine anxiety in his voice at having seen me leave. "I didn't hear you, Marcus."

"No?" he says, so much uncertainty in his voice that I can't help but feel cut.

"No. I saw you talking with Anna and that agent, so I thought you were going to be busy for while and so I popped out for a few minutes. I didn't think you'd even notice I was gone." I shrug. "I mean, surely you're used to me not being around." I say, with a little humourless chuckle, as if it's a joke. But we both know it's not.

I see a flicker of a wince. He grabs the back of his neck, feet shuffling on the ground, trying to steady himself. "I-I saw you. On the balcony. You looked upset." He stops, starts again, slower. "I thought you'd changed your mind. That you remembered...who I am. Who I was. What I did to you. And that this was you getting your own back."

The air whooshes out of my lungs. "You thought I was getting my own back?"

He swallows hard, as if he doesn't want to say the words out loud. "For what happened. At that party. Before you left, remember?"

He clarifies it as if there's any way I don't already know exactly when he means. I almost have to laugh.

"Oh, I remember. No, I'm asking to make sure I heard you right." I set the bags down on the porch step, slow, deliberate, because I need both hands free for whatever's coming next. "You mean when you kissed me like it meant something," I say, "and then left me out in the cold, waiting for you, made me promise you that I'd wait for you, then you went inside and fucked another woman? You mean getting me back for that?"

This time the wince is a full body reaction.

"Yes," he says, voice low, sad. "That."

"So, you thought I'd come here, on this incredibly important night of yours, and what? Make you kiss me again so I could then drive off, after everything, as payback?"

"Look, I didn't know what else to think. You looked so happy up there while we were…talking. And you said you'd wait, and then you were gone, and the only thing that made sense in my head was that you remembered who I was and decided I deserved exactly what I gave you."

I turn away. I know I should just get in my car and leave. It's like the universe is giving me a reminder of what happened. But I can't. I can't leave it like this.

I take a deep breath. He wants to do this now? Then I guess we're doing it.

"Marcus, look at me." He doesn't right away. But when he sees I'm not continuing until he does, he turns to me. "Do you have any idea what that night did to me?" My voice cracks properly now, making room for the anger. "I was nineteen. You were someone I had idolised, had a crush on for years. And for a split second, you made me believe that I was someone you could imagine giving your attention to. And then thirty minutes later, I watched you do the exact same thing to some other girl. I stood in that kitchen and I felt like the stupidest girl in Adelaide. It broke me, Marcus."

He grits his teeth, fists white-knuckled at his side. "You weren't stupid. I'm the one who was stupid."

"Well, I felt stupid, Marcus. And I've been spending six years trying to figure out what happened. What made you turn around and decide that you didn't want me. That you preferred some random drunk girl you met at a party instead."

Something in him breaks. "No! God, no. I didn't. Lexi. Please believe me, that's not what⁠—"

"Then what was it, Marcus? How could you do that to me? I might not have been the girl you wanted, but I thought we were at least friends! How could you make me hate you like that!" I shout, all restraint burned away in the hurt and anger.

"Because I had to! It was the only way! I had to make you hate me. I had to kill any feelings you had for me. And it killed me to do it." He grabs his hair again and tugs, his face contorted in pain. "You're Leon's sister! I shouldn't have kissed you then. Fuck, I shouldn't even be having this conversation with you now! But I can't...I can't keep living thinking that you hate me. I'd rather anything but that."

We stare at each other, chests heaving, each living in our own pasts.

"I don't hate you." My voice breaks properly now. "But I wanted you to come back that night. So badly. I sat on that step for thirty minutes wanting you to come back. Wanting to see what would, what could happen between us."

His eyes flood with regret. "I know." His voice isn't steady either, not anymore. "I wanted to. I didn't even want to get up and leave. But, I didn't know what else to do. When we kissed, the world fell out from under me. And I knew, I had to do something to stop it right then and there. Because if I let myself kiss you even once more, I'd never be able to stop. I promise you, Alexia, there hasn't been a single day since where some part of me hasn't wished I'd just stayed on that step instead." He takes a step towards me and I retreat.

I breathe. Long. Deep. “No, Marcus, I wasn't trying to do to you what you did to me. And do you know why?”

He stares back at me, waiting.

So I tell him. “Because I would never, ever have thought that you'd care enough about me to ever be hurt by me.”