Page 67 of Xavier

"I know.”

I must look confused, so he explains. “I went to them first, when I got your letter, when you changed our plans. They didn't know anything. And trust me when I tell you, I hounded them. It took me a long time to believe them. And, er, then when I looked them up again a few years later to see if there was anything new they could tell me, they had moved. Didn't leave a forwarding address. I couldn't find them. I tried. I tried everything to find you."

I just nod. I don't know what else to say. I don’t know how to tell him that I’d kept my secrets from them too, that it took me years to get back in touch with them. That my life has been a complete and utter mess. And since I left Maine, I haven’t been as happy as I am right this very moment.

We're quiet. Each lost in our own memories.

"So, um, why didn't you go back more often?" I wonder.

"Honestly?”

“Why not?”

He faces me, and I know what he’s about to say might hurt me as much as it hurts him. “I never left because I didn't want to miss running into you. From the moment I got your letter, I’ve been looking for you. I didn’t know where you were in the world, but if it was here, then I wasn’t ever going to leave in case today was supposed to be the day I’d find you. And I was right.”

"You’ve really been here all this time?"

"Yeah, I mean, I roughed it on the streets for a while after I used up all my savings. Then a guy I met took pity on me and took me in, trained me up and got me a job as a bouncer. I kept getting into fights, though and one particularly bad night Kaine came across my sorry ass, scooped me out of the gutter, cleaned me up and put me in law school. And here we are"

"Good thing you met him then."

"He saved my life."

"I'm... I don't know what to say, Xavier. I didn't know that this is what would happen."

He shrugs. "I was lucky. I met good people."

Lucky him, I think. Luckier than I was.

“So, do any of my confessions buy me some of yours?”

“Not tonight, Xavier. Please. Just let me enjoy this. Enjoy you. Us.”

He nods.

“Can I just ask one question? You can reply or not.”

“You can.”

“Do you miss dancing?”

I tell him the utter truth. “The only thing I miss more than dancing is you.”

Somewhere out there, it’s time for someone to finally go home, and a light turns off on the Empire State Building.

“I guess I should go home,” I sigh.

“Okay, let me call the car,” he says, giving in easier than I thought he would.

I stare down looking at the lines of cars on the street as he dials his phone.

All this time, we’ve been just circling this city, never meeting. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d known he was here the whole time. I honestly didn’t think he would be. I guess it was fair to think he might’ve come to look for me. But I thought he would’ve left, once he couldn’t find me, that he would just give up.

But he stayed to find me. And he did.

Was it fate? Serendipity? Pure luck?

I may never know, but I can’t help but think that it’s better we found each other now than then. He wouldn’t have wanted to find me twelve years ago. Then it wouldn’t have just been my life that was ruined, but his as well.

“Car’s just around the corner,” he says, coming back over to join me, taking a sip from his wine glass and handing it to me.

I take it from him, our eyes locking over the glass rim.

My last birthday’s memories with him sustained me for twelve years.

I wonder how long it will be before I would forget this one.