Page 51 of Xavier

Eleven

Him

I can still smell her.

Everywhere I walk in my own apartment, I can fucking smell her.

After twelve years of searching, of whys and where is shes and what ifs, of nightmares and daydreams, she was in my home.

Smelling just like I'd imagined she would.

Lilacs and vanilla. Ice cream. Just like she did all those years ago.

She hasn't changed, at least in that respect.

But I have.

Or have I?

Has she noticed any difference in me? Or am I still the same lanky, love sick dog I always was to her? Does she even care?

No. I know she does. I felt the way her breath would stop every time I came too close, the flush rising up her cheeks giving her away.

Then why, WHY has she come up with these ridiculous rules? Are they to protect her or me?

And her answer to my question.

Yes.

One word. Telling me everything I'd dreaded to hear. That she's been here in New York this whole time. But I already knew that. Or else I wouldn't have spent the last decade the way I did.

Roaming these streets, searching for any sign of her. Reluctant to ever leave in case today would be the day.

Now she is back and as lost to me as ever.

***

A buzz on the makeshift nightstand made of books wakes me up. I sit straight up, jolted out from a foggy dream, the dark horizon telling me it's still early. Earlier than I normally wake up, which is earlier than most people. Who the fuck is texting me at this time? It's either Kaine, wanting to meet me at the office for a dawn work out session, or a text scammer, who will be sorry they ever found my number.

I tap on the screen to check the number.

It's Malynda.

Can you meet me some time today to go over a few furniture choices?

She's kidding me, right? That's what she's thinking about at 5:12 a.m.? And I thought I was a workaholic. I tap a reply.

How about I meet you at the drugstore to get you some sleeping pills? Go back to bed.

The response comes back in less than ten seconds.

Xavier.

It's one word, but I can hear it in the tone it's intended. Hell, I can even see her hands on her hips as she's giving me the eye. Hey, if she has the audacity to wake me up at this hour, then I at least get to have some fun with it.

Shhh, I'm still in bed. But you're welcome to join me.

Xavier!