Page 77 of Rock Me

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Noémie

There's no note for me, Robbie tells me, even though I don't ask. He can see it in my eyes, I guess. No note to explain what happened earlier this morning. No note with a song title. No note, to tell me that he's thinking of me like I’m thinking of him.

And it is him that I'm mostly thinking of, when I should be thinking of Chris. Chris, who tells me we're together.

Who tells me things he shouldn't know about me, and that I should know things about him.

Who I have no recollection of, besides those few times he came onto me and I couldn’t get away.

Who definitely elicits no feelings in me.

No, it's all Jez. Jez is the one I want. Jez is the one I want to want me.

There's a quiet tick, and I know the clock has just struck midnight.

My second to last midnight here.

This time two days from now, I’ll be back in my own bed, this place behind me. Maybe Jez behind me as well.

I pick up my ukulele. My door is unguarded, since Mike left around 8 p.m., telling me there shouldn't be any more trouble since they've got plenty of people outside and someone outside of Jez's door in case I need anything.

I walk to the family activity room, barely glancing at Jez's closed door, trying to push him out of my mind. I sit in the dark for a few minutes, enjoying the solitude that it brings. No light to interfere with my thoughts. And I sit and count my breaths.

It's not going to be like this for much longer. Life will soon return to being hectic.

Living with Paige is the very definition of hectic.

But it is real. The last few months have been anything but normal. Quiet and restful and meditative and somewhat surreal. But definitely not normal. And it's time to go back to my life. Whatever it was. And whatever it will be.

I quickly tune my ukulele and prepare to play.

Whatever my life was before, at least now it will include music again.

I tinker with a melody dancing around in my brain. It's simple, but emotional, dark and full of longing. Words start appearing and I sing along in my head. Songwriting has never happened so easily for me.

But I guess I have a lot to say, and there's a very special way it wants to be heard.

I strum the chorus again, humming along this time. But the words, the words stay in my head. Ready to come out only when it's time.

I play the entire song again, embedding it in my mind. The last chord is played, and I lean back. Satisfied. I have a name for the song too.

And it's perfect.

It's much later now, I can tell from the position of the moon in the sky. One more night, I tell myself. I have one more night.

I get up and tuck the ukulele under my arm, and step outside into the hall.

I bump up against a hard chest, and look up into dark, green eyes.

"Jez!" I gasp, purely out of surprise.

"Sorry," he says. "I... I didn't know you were coming out.” His back is to the light and I can’t properly see his face.

"Were you waiting for me?"

He doesn’t say anything. Just keeps staring at me.