Page 69 of Rock Me

As if he's hearing my thoughts, Seb reaches out and pats my on the hand.

"No rush, bud. No rush. We're not going anywhere."

And I know he’s trying to comfort me, but not for the first time, an overwhelming sense of guilt takes over.

"But that’s it, you have to! You can't just wait for me. You know...this isn't going to last forever, it took us months and years, all this time to build that wave. You guys, you're supposed to be riding it. Not be sitting in a hospital room watching soap operas with me while all our hard work goes down the drain. I mean, I heard them, the fucking paps, people want their money back cos we're cancelling tickets! That shouldn’t be happening."

"Whoa, dude, all that shit is being taken care of,” Brad reassures me.

"I…I don’t even know why we needed to cancel."

Marius frowns, looking at Brad and then back at me. "You mean, you think we should go on tour without you?"

"Well. Fuck, yes! Argh!”

"Dennis. I think the doc needs to check his brain again."

"I'm serious."

“Ugh, bloody hell. Are we really having this conversation?” Sebastian says, rolling his eyes. They are crowd around me, staring me down. "Listen up. It’s all of us or nothing. We said it when we started and we meant it."

"Maybe we were stupid."

"Smarter than you're being right now,” Marius mumbles under his breath.

"It's never been about the money, Jizztits. It's been about this." Seb gestures to our little group. "Always. And I don't need a big stadium to play my music. I have a fawning fan in Cadence. And I have you guys. And also, my rugged good looks, and gigantic dick. If we never go on stage again? I'm good. The reason we want you to get better so bad? It’s because playing music or not playing should be a choice you get to make, not have it made for you. So, if it's meant to be, we'll set the world on fire again. We did it before, we can do it again."

I sit back. It feels like it should be a victory; getting to go home was one of the major milestones in my recovery.

But right now, all I can think about is Noémie.

Think about how much she's helped me in the last few days. How much I've come to care for her. How much I desire her, want her.

She must be so fucking confused right now.

"I gotta go. I have to talk to her."

Again, Dennis stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, can I maybe have a chat alone with Jez for a minute?” he asks the guys.

"Ugh, I knew he was your favorite," Brad grumbles as he grabs his bags of potato chips and wanders out of the room.

"Well you didn’t think it was you, did you?” Sebastian taunts him, pushing him in the back as they leave.

Dennis closes the door behind him before coming back to stand next to me.

“Jez. How much do you know about this girl?”

I didn’t expect that question. “Why?”

“Well, you’ve been here for about three months and we’ve managed to keep it completely out of the radar. You’re friends with this woman for a few days, and suddenly, paps are swarming.” He raises his left eyebrow, as if I should be reading more into what he’s saying.

“What are you suggesting exactly, Dennis?” Already I feel the back of neck tingle in an involuntary defense of Noémie .

“I’m not suggesting anything, I’m just saying, keep on your toes. Maybe you should just lay low for a while?” Dennis has had to deliver a lot of news to us, both good and bad, in the decade he’s been managing us. And we’ve gotten into a lot of trouble that he’s had to get us out of. But rarely does he look nervous. Like he does right now.

“Is that all?” I don’t want to talk about this anymore. If there’s something to say, he should just say it. I don’t appreciate the speculation about her.