Page 19 of Rock Me

***

The nights are the hardest. I can't remember the last time before the accident that I slept for more than three hours at a time without waking up and checking my phone or getting up to pee or just to walk around the house. My body is not made to be in one spot for too long. Or maybe it's just my mind that needs the stimulation, and it orders my body to move.

Here, though, my broken body's been the boss these last few months, and it's a lazy, sit-on-its-ass-all-day fucker, and I feel like I'm trapped.

So, yeah, the nights are easily the hardest. It's dark and the hallways are empty, and the nurses station is creepy the way the lights from the computer monitors reflect back on the night nurses' face, giving them an unearthly bluish tinge.

So I just stay in my room, trying not to focus on the fact that no one has any idea how my fingers and wrist and arms are going to work once the casts come off. And how my life could be changed forever.

"Hey, Jez." Robbie, one of the night nurses, pokes his head in the next evening, seeing my TV on in the background, keeping me company. "You okay, man? Can't sleep?"

"Havin' a little trouble tonight, arms aching a bit," I admit, though I normally try not to. "Can you help?"

He comes in and takes a quick look at my chart and leaves, coming back with a small pill in a plastic cup.

"Few more days, huh? 'til the cast comes off."

"Yeah. Can't wait."

"You nervous?"

"What about?" I reply, as nonchalantly as I can.

He raises his eyebrows, "You might be famous, but I've been doin' this job a decade. Don't think I haven't heard it all. You can’t hide anything from me, man.”

"Fine, a little nervous."

He takes the empty pill cup from me, and fusses with my pillows.

"Well, why don't you stop worrying about it, get some sleep, and enjoy the fact that you’ve only got a few more days left in here. And if it turns out there's actually something to be concerned about, man, you'll deal with it."

"Who's mind actually works like that? I mean, you've seen my friends, I’m no monk.”

He grins, flashing his rows of white teeth at me. "Yeah, them boys are really something. Okay, fine, why don't you just focus on something else then? Go to your…"

I cut him off. "If you say the words happy and place together in the next five minutes, I'm going to have to make you put a donation into the swear jar."

"Got it. Go to your... um, joyful location."

"Nice. Now it sounds like porn. Although, now it sounds like something I could get on board with,” I muse and he laughs.

"Seriously though, just for those times it gets a bit hard, maybe you should have a go-to thought. Now get some sleep. I've got a lot of very serious nursing work to do."

"Dodgers are playing?"

"I have no idea what you're talkin' about."

He leaves, pulling the door half shut.

Happy place. I think. Joyful location.

I can do that.

And as I finally fall asleep, I picture a side alley and a girl with ash blonde hair and laughing hazel eyes.

***

She's singing.

Well, not singing, but, humming, kinda.

Like her voice makes the sound of a guitar. No, not quite a guitar, guitar-like. A ukulele, maybe?

Either way, the girl with the blonde hair and hazel eyes is singing like a ukulele, and the ukulele is playing... What is that? I can't place it.

Oh. Wait no. It can't be, that makes no sense.

Is she… she singing, the Rainbow Connection?

Damn.

She is.

That’s weird.

Good pills, Robbie… good pills.