Page 133 of Rock Me

“Some friend.”

“Noémie!” She calls out to me, as I stand up straight, looking at her. Barely recognizing my own best friend.

I gather myself up to say what I want to say. “Get your things and get out of my house. I never ever want to see you again. Send me the bill, for every single cent. I’ll find a way to pay it all back.”

“Come on, Noémie. We have to talk about this!” she begs me, throwing her arms around me.

I don’t move. “I said, get the fuck out of my sight.” I pull her hands off me and take a step back, bumping into Jez. I bite my tongue, willing myself to stay strong. She stands there, saying nothing, and then flings herself down the sidewalk, running away from the house and down the road.

“Make sure she’s okay, and gets where she needs to go,” I can hear Jez say to someone, and through the thudding in my ears I hear two or three car doors close and an engine turn over as the car drives away.

Soon, other than a neighbor’s radio humming in the background, it’s completely silent.

As if the silence gives me room to breathe, I take a long breath, drawing lungs into the dusty nooks and crannies in my lungs.

And the damn breaks.

“Arrgghhhh,” I hear my voice make a sound like a wounded animal. My legs buckle and I drop to the ground. I feel Jez fall with me.

“Noémie,” Jez whispers, catching me in his arms, my face burying into his neck as I feel my body shaking with sobs.

“Paige…” I whimper through my tears. How could she? How could anyone do such a thing? How could she look me in the face and lie about something so serious? All those months making me think I had caused the accident, caused her injuries, caused my own. And then when I found out about Jez. That should’ve been her chance. Her chance to come clean. But she kept it quiet, all for her own selfish reasons.

And I lost the greatest love I could ever have imagined.

I lost Jez.

“Shhhh, it’s all over now. We know the truth now,” he whispers, lips against my hair. “It’s over.”

But it’s not.

It’s not over.

It’s only just beginning.

I let him hold me, until I can breathe through the tears.

Or should it be, I let me let him hold me.[R5]

Because I know it's wrong that he is.

He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be wrapping his arms around my body, his hands on my back, his chin resting on my head, like we should be together.

Because we shouldn't.

"No." I whisper as I move, dragging my body away from his. Each cell screaming in pain as I do, wanting only to cleave to him, to be close to him.

"Noémie," he says, as I extract myself from his embrace. "What's wrong?"

"What are you doing here, really, Jez?"

There's an instant furrowing of his brow, and his eyes cloud as he looks at me. I've seen that look before. It’s the look he first gave me when I told him I didn't know who he was, that day in the hospital.

Confusion.

"What do you mean? I came to tell you, that it was all a lie. You were never responsible for that accident, Noémie. It was never you."

"No, it was my best friend," I say. Even though I don’t know when I’ll really be able to fully accept it.