Page 122 of Rock Me

"When did you get so wise, anyway?"

"I dunno, sometime around when you were pretending that the dog ate the cake I made for Gramps."

I blink and try not to react. "Oh, whatever do you mean?"

She punches me on the shoulder lightly. "Yeah right, you left a glass of milk on the table, you ass."

"Fuck,” I let out a laugh. “Why didn't you ever say?"

"I was saving it for when I needed something."

"And that's now?"

She makes a pained face. "Yeah... please, oh please don't let Marius sing."

"Deal. And by the way, the cake was delicious. Totally worth it." I grin and watch her eyes grow red with anger before running into the other room, my little sister hot on my tail.

Returning to the land of the living.

***

"Here." Dennis comes up to me as everyone starts to stagger back to their rooms after a marathon karaoke session that ended in one microphone being thrown into the toilet and the HDMI cord cut in two. There’s a folder in his hand.

"What's this?"

"It’s a file, about the accident. Your accident. About what happened the night the car hit you."

"Dennis.”

"Jez. It’s time. You’ve spent your whole adult life with me protecting you, making sure you guys are safe, that you guys are taken care of, that nothing can hurt you. Nothing can interfere with your music, your performing. But, if the accident taught me anything, it’s that I can’t be there every second of your life. And I can’t make all the decisions for you. You're an adult. And I should’ve told you from the beginning who Noémie was. And let you make the decision with all the information. I think we've seen, hiding from it, or not remembering, doesn’t mean it doesn't happen. You should know. So here. Here is everything. This time, make your decision, with all the information. Try to make it the right one, okay. And for the right reasons.”

I stare at the folder in his hand and close my eyes. The scene changing instantly in my mind.

I remember seeing the pedestrian lights change, and stepping off the sidewalk onto the street.

I remember headlights blinding me from the side.

I remember the tires screeching.

And then nothing else, until I woke up in the hospital.

It’s nothing new, I’ve been replaying the scene over and over in my head hundreds if not thousands of times. Sometimes when I’m awake, and sometimes in the dead of dreams.

Noémie said once, there was nothing worse than having everyone else know what happened in your life, and yet have no recollection of it.

How was my experience any different?

There was another side of the story of what happened that night.

But I never wanted to know it. It’s time to see the whole picture.

“Time to take back your life, Jez,” my manager tells me. And I know he’s right.

I take the folder from Dennis and he gives me a grim smile, squeezing my shoulder before leaving me alone.

I wander back to my room, and sit with it in my lap, picking up the decanter from where Anca left it and take a swig.

"Now or never."