Page 91 of Serenade Me

I shake my head. “No, he doesn’t.”

“He does… he said…”

“He’s… he’s probably just as confused as we all are right now.”

“Anca…” He reaches for me, and I pause before taking a step back. The hurt in his eyes sears, and I have to look away.

“Marius, just because I believe that you didn’t hit me on purpose, doesn’t mean everything’s okay.”

“Is it because Jez-...”

“No, he shouldn’t have hit you either, but he was just protecting me. No, this doesn’t have anything to do with him.”

“Then what does it have to do with?”

“Me! You! US!”

“Anca…”

“I was fine, Marius. Nothing was going on, those guys weren’t doing anything and I wasn’t in trouble.”

“But…”

“No, listen. This is exactly what happened tonight, you just didn’t listen. You didn’t listen when I told you I could take care of myself, and you’re not listening now. I have enough of that in my life, with a big brother who refuses to let me grow up and… and the memory an ex-teacher, who made me second guess myself to the point of crippling anxiety.”

“I am not the Maestro.”

“No, and you’re not Jez. I’m supposed to be your partner, your lover. Not your ward. I don’t need you to tell me what I can or cannot do!”

“I…”

“Do you understand?”

“You looked like you were in trouble.”

“So, you just barged in and started swinging your ego around. And who got hurt?” I shake my head. He just doesn’t get it. If he can’t see what he’s done wrong, what’s the point of all this? I can’t be with someone who thinks he has to be the hero all the time. I have an older brother for that.

He looks up, and I know he feels remorseful. I just don’t know if it will change anything.

“You’re not my big brother, Marius. You should’ve known better. I want someone to support me, not carry me.”

“I made a mistake.”

“No, you made a decision. Yes, it was in a heated moment. A decision based on a preconceived notion that I need to be protected… because I can’t do it myself.” I pull away from him, trying to ignore the broken look on his face. “And that’s what really hurt me, Marius.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, I just don’t know what you’re really sorry about.”

He nods, but doesn’t provide any more clarity. “Can I stay?” He asks, his voice so soft I can barely hear it.

Yes. I want to say to him. Stay and hold me until we both forget everything that happened tonight. But I don’t. “I’m sorry, I really need to get some rest… we… we can talk later, ok?”

I climb into bed and turn away from him. I keep waiting for him to leave, but the last thing that I remember before I drift off to sleep, is the sound of his breath.