Page 33 of Serenade Me

“Yes, I promise.”

“Good.”

“Can I have some orange juice now?”

“Soon. There’s one more thing I need to tell you.”

He’s crying again. Maybe he’s in trouble for not putting away his toys. Mommy tells me off sometimes because I don’t put my toys away.

“Why are you crying, Jezzy?”

“I’m sorry, Anca. Mommy and Daddy. They. They’re not coming home. Ever again.”

“What? Why not?” I don’t understand what Jezzy is saying. “Mommy said this morning she was going to pick me up from pre-school and then Nanna came. She never comes. But Mommy will be home later?”

“No. No. Anca. Mommy is, she’s never coming home again. Or Daddy. They were in a car accident. They, they died, Anca.”

“What does that mean? What is ‘died’? Why are you being mean to me! I want mommy!”

“I know, I know. But she’s not coming. It means, it means we’re never going to see them again.”

“WHY?! I want my mommy!”

“I know. I know, Anca. But I’m here.”

“NO! I don’t want you! I want my Daddy! Daddy said we were going to the park this weekend! I want Daddy!”

“He’s not… he’s not. He can’t.”

“You’re lying! You’re being mean to me! I’m telling mommy!”

Jez is hugging me. He won’t let go, even though I’m kicking him and biting him, he won’t let go. And all I want is for him to let go so I can go find mommy.

Where is my mommy? Mommy?

***

My dress is black. It’s got a big bow and it’s pretty. Nanna said I had to wear it, and not my pink dress with daisies on it. It’s ok, I guess. But everyone else is wearing black too. Even Jezzy. He’s wearing a nice suit I’ve never seen before.

Mommy and Daddy still haven’t come home and Jezzy said we are going to say goodbye to them today. I don’t know how we can say goodbye if they’re not coming home. But I’m going to tell Mommy I don’t want her to go away anyway, then we won’t have to say goodbye.

Jez is sitting next to me holding my hand. He’s crying so I squeeze his hand and he smiles at me. He keeps giving me hugs and kisses and telling me I have to promise to remember that he’s going to take care of me. And that I have to be a good girl because it’s going to be hard.

I know I’ll be okay if Jez is with me.

Everyone is quiet now and the priest is talking. He’s standing between two long boxes Jez told me are coffins. He said Mommy and Daddy are sleeping inside. And that I will go up and say goodbye later if I want to. He said I can’t see them, but they’ll be able to hear me and I should tell them that I love them and that I’ll never forget them and I’m going to grow up and be a good girl.

Oh, there’s a pretty lady walking through the aisle now, and she’s sitting down next to a big, a big… I don’t know what it’s called. It’s brown and has long strings.

Oh my.

She’s running her fingers along it and… oh, it sounds so beautiful.

Oh. I know this song, it’s Ave Maria. But, it sounds so pretty.

I must be squeezing Jez’s hand too hard because he turns to look at me but I don’t care.

I want to go sit next to the lady playing the big wooden thing. It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.