Page 110 of Serenade Me

Not in the bar, but at Guildhall. You were 18, I was 13. The four of you were running around the yard like a bunch of hyper gorillas, bellowing and grunting. Then the school bell rang and we all had to assemble in the yard. For a concert. A performance by you guys, one of your last. But the first I’d ever seen.

I couldn’t believe that the same loons tearing up the soccer field were now creating this exquisite sound. You had everyone raptured.

After you’d finished, I’d come up to Jez to tell him how good it was, you came running up behind him, jumping up on his back, and you’d looked at me and said, “Whoa, your eyes are a wicked color. Are you a witch?”

Did I ever tell you that story since we’ve been together? That even then you’d accused me of my wiccan tendencies.

It’s not surprising, eight years on, I still think that you are capable of magic as well.

Not just on the stage, but in my life.

I don’t have to tell you again, that without you, I don’t know where I’d be, who I am.

You gave me that, by giving me a sense of being again.

And part of that, my sweet Marius, is letting me discover where I want to go and who I want to be, from here. And I need to do that, away from you. Because I could lose myself in you and your protection for a long time. But then who would I be when it came time to finally emerge from that cocoon.

So, let me go, please.

Give me, give us, all of us, the time to heal. We’ve been through a lot. Broken friendship, betrayals and even a kidnapping! We need time.

You need time to heal with Jez, as do I.

And we need time to think about what we are to each other. And how we can best complement each other, and not destroy.

You have my heart, Marius.

Keep it safe for me.

Your Anca.