Page 82 of Kaine

“When do you think it’ll be your turn?” I ask him.

“My turn for what?”

“To say thank you to me.”

“Every moment you let me be with you, look at you, kiss you, take you in my arms, is a reason to thank you.”

“Then kiss me again, so we’re even.”

“We’ll never be even, but I don’t mind racking up a long bill.”

I lift my face and take the kiss he gifts me.

“Ew. Stop kissing my sister,” comes Gabriel’s sleepy disgust.

“Can’t, buddy. We’re bartering.”

I see a smile tug at Gabriel’s lips as he leans his head back on the headrest and closes his eyes.

***

It’s sunset by thetime we have Gabriel settled at the center. The first few days will be a contact blackout while he detoxes, but the counselors say it will be okay to come visit him next weekend.

I hug him goodbye and I bite my lip so hard I’m bleeding when my hands run up and down his back, rippling over his exposed ribs. How could I have let it come to this? What kind of sister am I?

He brushes my tears away with his thumbs as he pulls out of the hug.

“Shhh, JJ. It’s not your fault,” he says, reading my mind. “You always said I was too smart for my own good. I guess I always thought I was too smart to let it get too far. I was wrong. But without you, I’d be dead by now, so don’t you go blaming yourself. If you have to blame someone, blame me. This was all me. And now me is going to get better. For me.”

“I love you, baby bro.”

“I love you, bossy sis.”

“I’ll see you next week.”

“That’s a promise.”

“Come on, it’s time,” Kaine says, reminding me gently with an arm on my back.

“Good luck, Gabriel,” he says reaching out a hand to my brother, who looks at it for a second before grabbing it tight.

“Thanks. For everything. Take care of her while I’m gone. I know she can be a handful.”

A sob is my only response.

“Oh, dear lord, I’m not going to war! I’m in a freakin’ posh resort for millionaires! Go get!” he says and shoos me off, but not before I see a tremor of his bottom lip and a glistening in his eye.

I give him one last quick hug and hurl myself out the front door, refusing to look back.

Kaine follows me out to the car, but doesn’t force me to get in. He just stands next to me as I stare out into the garden, watching the other patients, wandering around, reading, or playing games.

“He’s going to be okay, Jade,” Kaine comforts me.

“The truth is, he couldn’t have gotten much worse.”

“So, this is a start.”

“I should’ve never let it get this far.” I ask myself again, unable to reconcile his comforting words with the truth.