Page 25 of Kaine

I pause. Maybe a little too long.

"Wait, you ARE afraid, aren’t you? She's a harmless woman. One you've saved twice now, by the way, so what could it hurt for her to say thank you?"

It already hurt too much.

"Xavier. It's not your place to ask why. Just fucking do it."

I hear him suck in his breath, and I know, I'm about to get a dose of what he calls "Xavier Reality Check".

"Oh, man. It's moments like this I remember that you never had an older brother. So here I am to tell you that she's just a sweet girl wanting to do what's right. Stop being a jackass and learn to let your rules go for once. They’re stupid rules anyway. Just fucking grow up."

And for the first time ever, he hangs up on me.

He’s not wrong. I need to grow up.

I need to not be having a kindergarten crush on this woman I’ve literally only said 10 words to, one of them being “go.”

I need to not be thinking of her every single second of every waking moment.

I need to not be wondering if she's okay, if she's thinking of me, if she even cares who I am beyond a pair of sturdy arms.

She means nothing. I'm just stressed from work, worried about this ‘J’ guy and she's my outlet.

Or she could be,that niggling voice is telling me, she could be what's distracting you.

I look down, and her effect on my body hasn’t changed.

Maybe I could just fuck her once and rid myself of the fascination.

Or maybe I could just fuck her once and lose myself in her forever.

"See you later, Mr. Ashley," Clifford calls out to me as I fling myself across the road and away from him, the building, and her.