Page 121 of Kaine

We’re all pushed back, further away from the building.

It’s hotter now. The flames are everywhere. I close my eyes and imagine the book stacks and shelves catching alight.

“Harriet.” I say and she turns to me, her eyes as scared and sad as mine. She grips my hand and we watch our home for eight hours a day becoming gutted from the inside by fire. All those books, all that history, all those lives, lost. I push the devastation down as my worry for Kaine bubbles to the surface.

“Kaine. Please. Please be okay. Don’t leave me. You promised me you’d always take care of me. You need to be okay and come take care of me, you promised.” I clasp my hands together and pray, Harriet’s hand rubbing up and down my back.

“Jade!”

It’s Xavier.

He glances at Harriet for a moment before pulling me into his arms.

“Are you okay?”

I nod, glad for his presence, but my eyes tell him everything he doesn’t want to know.

“He’s... he’s in there?” All I can do is nod.

“They’ll find him,” Harriet tells him.

He grabs my hand so hard my fingers crack, but I’m glad for the distraction of pain.

And together we count the seconds. How long, how long can he be in there and come out alive?

“Look!” Harriet finally yells, and we see a figure, limp, being dragging by his arms out of the entrance by two firefighters.

It’s him.

The crash of relief over me is almost strong enough to knock me out. But I hold on and run to him.

“Kaine! Oh, thank God! Kaine!” I say reaching for his ash-stained hand.

But he doesn’t reply.

He doesn’t even know I’m there.

***

I’ve never been a nailbiter but the trip in the ambulance to the hospital changes that. By the time we arrive, I’m almost delirious with worry. Why hasn’t he regained consciousness? Why isn’t he sitting up, looking at me like he can see me naked through all my clothes? Why isn’t he kissing me so hard I want to faint from lack of breath?

Why?

Why has this happened to him?

And even more so – why had this happened to him again?

I could ponder the injustice of it all, but as I stand there while they wheel his unconscious body into the emergency department, all I can think is, please don’t let him die.

I wait for his gurney to pass and I follow, never letting him out of sight.

“Darlin’, darlin’ you’re going to have to get out of the way so the doctors can take care of him,” someone calls after me.

I spin around. That voice.

“SUGAR! Fancy seeing you here!” It’s Ruby, the nurse from my own stint in the ER.

“Ruby!”