Page 78 of Strum Me

I give him a kiss on the forehead and swing around, ready to set up my recorder and wander the grounds a bit. I want to get a feel for the atmosphere and maybe take the chance to interview a few other artists for my write-up of the festival.

“Oooof,” I can’t help but grunt as I bang into a hard chest.

A hard chest I know well. A hard chest I was running my tongue along just a few days ago.

“Oh, sorry.”

“Sorry, my fault,” Brad mumbles before quickly stepping back and going back where he came from.

“Hey. Hey!” I follow him. He’s had enough space. It’s time to talk. “Can we talk?”

“No.”

“Brad.”

“I’m busy.

“Fine, can we talk later?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll still be busy then, too.”

“Come on Brad, grow up!”

“No. You know what? You grow up. You spend ages pushing me away, making me feel like shit, like whatever you think I did eight years ago fucked you up so bad that you couldn’t be with me now. And it turns out you’re the fuck-up. For all your promises, it turns out you did leave me for him. And had a fucking child! The reason we aren’t together is because of you. Stop putting your guilt on me when you did this to yourself. You did this to us. Maybe you should stop trying to talk and sort out your fucking mess. I can’t help you this time.” The look he gives me pours salt into a wound I think will now never heal.

The fury in what he says surprises me. I knew he would be angry, confused—but not to this extent. I can’t believe that’s what he thinks. That that’s how he feels. And I wonder if there’s anything I can say to change his mind at this point.

“I don’t know what to say. Just that…you’re wrong, you’re so wrong. And you… you’re not even giving me a chance to explain before you’ve come to your conclusion. I was right, despite everything wrong that I’ve done—you do need to fucking grow up, Brad Windsor.”

I run out of the tent before he can see me cry over him. Again.

Any future feels like it’s a million light years ago. And that the hurt between us just might take that long to fade.