Page 76 of Strum Me

Chapter Twenty-Six

Emily

I need to talk to him.

Dammit. I need to talk to him and explain.

I need to explain why I haven’t told him this before and why it doesn’t matter now.

But I can’t. I have to fucking sit here in this fucking bus ten feet away from him in the other fucking bus pressing redial constantly on my phone because he won’t fucking answer.

I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking right now.

I saw his face, God, the look on Brad’s face when he realized Silas was Ben’s father. It felt like all the hurt and betrayal I had been harboring toward him was directed at me. I’ve never seen him look so hurt in his life. And I caused it.

Why won’t he answer the phone?

Talk to me, Brad. I’m staring out the side of the bus, but he just won’t come to the window.

Please. Please, just a smile or wave. A text telling me I’ve fucked up but it’s okay.

That we’re okay.

Because as much as I fought it, fought him, fought you, Brad. I want to be with you. I need you.

If Silas is here, I’m going to need you. I’m not going to be able to do this alone.

My fingers run over the iPhone keypad and I type the words.

Please talk to me. Please answer my phone. Don’t shut me out.

I send him another.

I can explain. I can explain it all. But you have to talk to me.

I can’t do this without you, Brad.

I love you.

But the messages go unanswered.

And I sit by the bus window, watching the day slide into dark, dark night.

***

It’s been a whole day, and Brad hasn’t said a single word to me.

I could blame it on our schedule. We spent six hours on the road yesterday, and ended up in Edinburgh for the annual Snow Festival. They spent the entire day in rehearsal.

But I know that’s not it.

Even during the lunch break, he went back to the bus while everyone feasted at the pub. And tonight, at dinner with a local fan club, he made sure he was seated as far away from me as possible.

A whole day and not a single word. Not an expression of anger or blame, of accusation or fury. Just nothing. I thought I’d at least catch his eye now and then. Hoping that if he wasn’t talking to me, he’d at least look at me. But nothing.

Even the others are wondering what’s going on. I know it’s a surprise to them that Silas is Ben’s dad. But to them it’s just a funny fact. Emily and Silas ended up having a kid. But it’s not funny. And it’s the last thing that Brad needed to find out the way he did.

But I can’t do anything about that until he talks to me.