Page 49 of Strum Me

“Sure. I get to travel around the world, and meet lots of cool people.”

“Like who?”

“Like you, Ben. You’re pretty cool.” I give him a wink and hold out my hand for a high five.

He lifts up his good hand and gives my hand a hard slap. “Oh, thanks, Brad. You’re cool too. Not as cool as if you were a firefighter, but pretty cool.”

Emily bursts into laughter. “Ben: one. Brad: zero.”

***

It’s 9 p.m. and the ward is quiet. Visiting hours are over and the nurses’ station is the only lit up part of the floor. I smile at a couple quietly leaving their child’s bedside, looking exhausted, and probably headed for home. I don’t know how they do it. But I guess you just do what needs to be done.

It’s been a long day, and my body is aching in places that didn’t just a few years ago.

“I really am an old firefighter,” I mumble to myself. “Oh wait, not even as cool as a firefighter.”

“Cooler than a firefighter to me,” Emily whispers, as she closes the door to Ben’s hospital room and wanders over to sit next to me in the row of chairs.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

I lean over and bump my shoulder against hers. She surprises me by leaning her head to rest on it.

“Tired?” I ask her softly.

“Like even more than when I gave birth to him. He didn’t wriggle as much then.”

“He’s definitely a bit of a wriggler now.”

“No kidding.”

“He’s a pretty cool little dude.”

“Yeah. I’ll keep him.”

She sighs and I look down to see her eyes close. As long as it was for me, I can only imagine how hard the day has been for Emily.

“Brad?” she says, he eyes still closed.

“Yeah?”

“I’m not going back with you on tour.”

Her words jolt me out of my fatigue.

I move around to face her as she opens her eyes. “What? Why?”

“It’s…it’s just not right.”

“If this is about Ben, of course I understand…” Reluctantly, but I do.

“It’s partly about him, yes. But…I’d already made the decision last night. I was going to tell you this morning that today was my last day. But then all this happened. I have Phil sending someone else to take over for me for the rest of your tour. I’ll help them do the write-up and I’ll make sure…you know, that it’s going to be a good piece. But I just can’t go with you guys.”

Even after everything we’ve been through today, I can’t help feeling selfish that this is the worst news I could hear at this point.

“But…if it’s not Ben, then why?”