Page 40 of Strum Me

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” a female voice says. Felicia, the radio host from yesterday steps off the bus, her face lit up by the early-morning sun. “Did I get you?”

“Er, no, I’m fine. What… um, what are you doing here?” I ask her, coughing trying to control my voice.

“Oh, um, you know,” she gives me a wink and gestures with her head toward the bus.

“No. I don’t know,” I say, a little surprised at my own harshness. “Or I hope I don’t,” I mumble under my breath.

She checks her phone and then gives me a little wave. “Anyway, gotta run, late for work. See you at the CD signing later today.”

“Oh, you’re going to be there?”

“Yeah, Brad asked me if I wanted to come along since the station is covering it anyway.”

And it’s like someone has stabbed me in the heart.

“Oh, okay.” I cover my eyes, as if to shield them from the sun, but it’s not.

I watch her get in her car and drive off. The sharp pain has spread a little further down my body now. Grabbing hard onto the rail, I drag my body into the bus. Cadence and Sebastian are awake and giggling on the couch together.

I sink into a recliner with an “Oooof.”

“Aw, what’s up, Journalist? Rough night?”

“Night was fine, morning’s been a bit of a bitch,” I tell them, spinning my chair away from them, not wanting to see their loved-up scene.

“Now, now, tell Cadence what’s going on,” Cadence says, her voice soft and friendly.

“You guys trying to alcohol-poison me for one,” I grumble, staring out the window.

They laugh and the sound makes me envy them so much, I want to scream.

“Where’s, uh…Where’s everyone else?”

“The other guys are still sleeping so we just thought we’d have some quiet time together,” Sebastian answers, reaching over to the neighboring chair for a cushion.

“I’ll take the hint…” I get up and make for the door.

“No, no, we’re good...now. We got our ‘quiet time’ together already,” Cadence says, giving me a show of her dirty air quotes.

“Ew.” I cover my ears with my hands and screw up my face.

“No, it was quite good actually,” Sebastian preens. “But not as good as what happened in the room next door.”

The flash of white pain returns and I swallow, trying to drown it.

The knock on the bus door is a welcome distraction and I open it to let in the two guys carrying trays of coffees.

“Just thought we could all use a pick-me-up,” I say to the loved-up couple, gesturing to the side tables now filled with coffee cups.

Cadence leaps to her feet and wraps her arms around me in a big hug. “Oh, that’s so nice, thank you!” I hug her back, enjoying the friendly gesture.

“And er, here are some croissants, just for the love birds,” I white lie, handing them the pastries. I don’t have any use for them now anyway.

Leaving the two of them to their breakfast, I carry Hailey’s coffee over to the other bus for her. She’s in the shower when I get there and I put her coffee on her nightstand.

I close the door to my room and sit on my bed, glad for the quiet and solitude. The pain in my chest throbs and I can still hear the blood rushing in the veins in my head. My hand comes up and I thump it against my ribcage, making my lungs drag in air. I spread my knees apart and let my head fall between them, willing the dizziness away.

I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I can’t afford to. The sight of him with other women, the thought of it…the knowledge of it can’t knock me to my knees every time. It’s unbearable.

I don’t even know why I’m reacting as if this was any surprise. This is how it was always going to be with him, with any of the bandmembers. Woman after woman after woman. The life of a playboy on tour. It’s why it didn’t work before, and it’s why it wouldn’t work now.

In any capacity.

And as much as I want this job, I want my sanity more. There are other people in my life who require me to be stable, and the way I’ve seesawed from happy to psycho in the last few days since Brad’s come back into my life is not good for anyone.

I throw my head back, sitting upright. The dizziness is only worse. And it helps me make my decision.

Digging through my purse for my phone, I squeeze it in my hand when I find it.

“Do it. Just do it,” I tell myself. “It’s for the best.”

There will be other chances, the voice inside encourages me. And pretend I can’t hear the doubt.

Someone picks up on the other end.

“Hey, boss? We need to talk. I just can’t do this.”