Page 38 of Strum Me

“Thank you, Brad.”

“No problem. Now use those words to make me look like a rock God with an eight-pack and fingers that create aural orgasms, please.”

“Brad can’t even create sex orgasms with those stumpy things!” a loud voice interrupts our intimate talk and we swivel around on the chair to see Marius and the rest pile onto the bus.

We hadn’t even noticed that the buses had stopped and parked. Butter jumps up from the recliner, straightening her clothes.

“Excuse me, my fingers are nimble sex organs,” I say, wiggling my fingers at the intruders.

“They’re about the length of your actual sex organ maybe,” Marius counters, doing a wiggle of his hips.

“Hey! I’ve had no complaints!”

“What about pointing and laughing?” Jez asks to the amusement of the others.

“Leave the guy alone.” Butter comes to my defense.

“Thank you, Butter!” I point to her, as if to implore the others to listen to her.

But she wasn’t finished. “He hasn’t been the same since his penile-widening operation,” she adds, her eyes darting to me, without an ounce of guilt.

“TRAITOR! Off the bus with you…you…betrayer!” I yell, jumping to my feet.

Jez comes, his hand holding his splitting side, struggling for breath. Handing her the bottle of tequila, he pats Emily on the back.

“You’re all right. You might just be a bit all right after all.”

I see Cadence hug her fiancé’s arm and he leans over and kisses the top of her head.

“Now. There’s just one last test,” Jez continues.

He looks around the bus and we all start chanting at once.

“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”

The last thing I remember is Butter’s smile as she tips the bottle into her mouth.