Page 82 of Play Me

Part Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

CADENCE

There are moments in your life that you wish you could relive; some where you’d do things completely differently, and some just to do the exact the same thing again. And again. And again.

I can’t decide which way I would go with my moments with Sebastian.

Would I have just let him reach for the rosin, shrugged and walked out of his life forever?

Would I have never taken the $50 000 deal?

Would I have not let him kiss me that first time outside his hotel room door?

Would I have torn up the check when he showed up at the school, and never let him whisk me away?

I don’t know.

I do know, that had I any other choice, I wouldn’t have walked away from him. Because, without him, these last few days have been the worst torture I’ve ever endured.

I miss him so much that it hurts to think about him and it hurts even more not to. It had been so long since I’d let myself feel those feelings of intimacy and even sexual desire, when I’d let myself go with Sebastian, it was like everything was new. And it was the happiest I’ve ever been.

If I don’t remember the smiles, the laughs, the kisses, the sharing of our secrets, does it mean it never happened?

Because right now, the only thing that’s getting me through each minute, each hour, is to lose myself in those moments when I was in his arms, and nothing else in the world existed.

The question is, had it all been worth it?

The answer scares me, because it might tell me, that the only way to ever be happy again, to be back in his arms, is to risk everything.

“Cadence?” Sarah’s voice pierces through my thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“Um, there’s a call for you.”

As always, I have to bite down the hope that it’s Sebastian, even though I’ve asked her not to pass on any of his calls.

“Oh, thanks,” I reach out for the phone, “Who is it?”

“It’s Greg,” she says, naming the high school principal. She looks grim and I wonder if he’s said anything to her first.

“Hi, Greg,” I say into the phone, trying to sound as upbeat as I can.

“Cadence. How are you?” He sounds genuinely concerned, and I can’t imagine the position he’s been put in.

“As well as you can expect.”

“Ok, well, I hope it gets better soon. Unfortunately, I don’t think this conversation’s going to help.”

My stomach sinks. I’m not sure what I had expected, but I had hoped that I at least had the support of the school after everything I’d done there.

“Ok.”

“Look, the kids come back next week, we think it’d probably be less distracting for them if, at least for the first week, there’s a substitute for your classes, just so they can get settled into their new term.”

“And after?”