Page 74 of Worth the Fight

Those are all questions I’ve asked myself over and over again since Lukas and I have been back together. My feelings change each day. Sometimes, I can’t imagine ever dancing for another company that isn’t the Paris Opera Ballet. Some days, I’m so sore and tired and frustrated with how my body has weakened that I want to give it up altogether. “There isn’t a ballet career for me if I move to Copper Ridge, that I know.” I learned as a young kid that to have any sort of ballet career meant having to travel. Even when we moved to Copper Ridge to be closer to Nana, my parents still religiously drove me to and from practice and rehearsals, sometimes hours at a time.

When Lukas and I started dating and he had his license, he shared some of the driving. Moving back home to him means no more ballet, at least not what I’m used to. Maybe I could live in the city. We’d still be long distance but see each other more often.

“Basically, he can’t move here, and if I want to continue to dance, I can’t move there, so we’re stuck.” I force a pained laugh, hoping it’ll prevent the tears from following.

Raymond reaches his hand across the table, wrapping his fingers around my wrist and squeezing. “There’s no rush, you know. I doubt Lukas would ever let you go. It might be a few more years before you get your dream, but the wait will be worth it, won’t it?”

I nod at that, slowly at first. “Nana says that when it’s time for me to make that change, I’ll know it.”

He squeezes my wrist once more before letting go. “She’s a brilliant woman.” He yawns again, looking at his watch and noticing the time. “I’m sorry. I should be getting us home. She’ll need a nap soon, and if I’m lucky, I can sneak a quick one in, too.”

“Why don’t you let me watch her for a few hours?” I gesture to the couch behind him. “Lie down, take a little nap. I think I can manage to occupy my sweet girl and feed her if needed.” I make googly eyes at Sylvia, and she giggles, her hand reaching out to squeeze my cheek.

“Do you really mean that?” Raymond asks with a glint of hope to his words. “You don’t have to, really. I wasn’t whining for attention earlier; I was just venting to a friend.”

I’m already reaching for Sylvia, and when her arms dart out, I pull her to my chest, bouncing her as she gets settled. “I know you were, but that’s what I’m here for. I feel guilty that I didn't demand it sooner.” I’ve visited Raymond and Ronaldo weekly since she arrived. Most times, it’s a weekend when Ronaldo is home from work. I hadn’t realized how many weekdays Raymond is doing it all alone, plus the majority of the night wakings. I should be doing more to help out my friend.

I move over to my small corner cabinet and pull out a throw blanket, tossing it on the couch. “Couch, now.” I snap my fingers, pointing to the two-seater couch that will likely be way too small for him. But with the way he’s looking, he’d probably curl up on the floor if it meant some peace and quiet.

He downs the rest of his coffee, setting the mug on the counter before crossing over to the couch. “You’re sure?”

I nod, pressing my lips to Sylvia’s head. She’s already leaning against me, body falling limp, and I have a feeling she will soon be out cold. “I’m sure. I might take this one on the balcony, bundle us up, and sit outside for some fresh air.”

He nods, watching from his spot on the couch as I rifle through her diaper bag, finding a thicker blanket and her pacifier. She reaches for the pacifier, popping it into her mouth, and when I wrap the blanket around her shoulders, she melts into me further.

“You’re going to be a great mother someday, Magnolia,” Raymond whispers. I had been reaching for the open cabinet to pull out a bigger blanket for myself, and my hand freezes midair. I look over at my friend, his eyes lidded and half asleep. “The best, and I hope I’m around to see it.”

CHAPTER 36

Magnolia

FEBRUARY

Main Street hasn’t changed one bit.

Copper Ridge was blanketed in a fresh layer of snow last night. Most of the shops are still working to open on time. The owners are shoveling to clear the street, sprinkling a dusting of salt to prevent anyone from slipping.

My eyes grow heavy, and I let out an exaggerated yawn.

“Need to stop at the cafe for a latte?” Lukas asks.

I close my eyes, mumbling a soft, “no,” as I lean my head on his shoulder.

I thought I would have slept on the flight, but the anticipation for this weekend, for the stretch of days back home where I’ll get to see everyone I care about getting together to celebrate Ivy’s birthday, left me too excited to get any real sleep.

I dozed in and out, much like I have been on the ride from the city back home, and as much as I would love to stop for a cup of coffee, I want to step foot at the Hart’s property more than that.

“You can just make a pot of coffee once we get to your parents’ house,” I tease, leaning my weight against his body. Lukas flicks on the blinker, and even with my eyes closed, I can tell we’re taking the turn from the main highway onto Hart Road.

Lukas slows, lifting one hand off the wheel and draping it over my shoulder to pull me closer to him, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll make you whatever you want, baby.”

“What time is the party again?”

“Sometime after lunch. Ivy is taking her morning nap right now. We’ll finish getting everything ready at the farmhouse, and whenever she wakes and they get ready, Candi and Rick will bring her over.”

Lukas and I have video chatted almost every time he has Ivy. He often hands her the phone, and she smiles at me through the camera before I can see her little fingers tapping and swiping at the screen, her mind trying to figure out why the phone is talking to her.

She smiles at me often, but there is a pain in my chest, knowing that her and I aren’t close. Not the way I want to be. Not the way we would be if I lived in town. “I talked to Nana yesterday; my parents will be bringing her over around one.”