Page 51 of Worth the Fight

Nana returned home last week after her stint in the rehab center. She finally got clearance from therapy and the doctors, and even though she grumbled at the idea of switching from her precious cane to a walker, she agreed to take it home. We’re certain it was just to please the rest of us and that she’ll toss it in a closet somewhere and pretend she doesn’t need it.

“No need to worry about me, sweetheart. I’m back where I belong. And besides, how on earth am I supposed to be lonely when I have your parents and Lukas stopping by to see me nearly every single day?”

I smile at that, and I’m sure she can hear it over the phone. Lukas was already stopping by her house once or twice a week prior to her accident. Now that she’s home, he’s taken it upon himself to stop there nearly every evening to check on her before bed, and again on the weekends. My mom and dad check on her every morning, and my dad said that nana hasn’t been afraid to tell him how annoying it is.

“Can’t blame him, he loves you, Nana. And you scared the hell out of all of us with that fall.”

She doesn’t have a cocky response to that.

My coffee pot dings, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills my lungs. I open the cabinet door in front of me, wincing when I rise on my toes to pull out a mug.

“When do you think you’ll make it home next?” she asks, changing the subject.

“I wish I knew.”

Spending my break teaching class five days a week doesn’t leave much spare time. When the season starts back up in the fall, it’ll be class and rehearsal and performance filling my schedule once again. The holidays are the busiest, and while most people get a break to go home and spend time with loved ones around Christmas, I live too far away to take a real trip. “I’m homesick, Nana.”

My feelings of homesickness aren’t new, really. They’ve wavered off and on ever since I moved to Paris. When Lukas and I were together, I was homesick for him and for Copper Ridge, along with my family. But knowing he was in the same boat, either traveling around the country to play baseball or overseas in the Marines, seemed to help us. We could lean on each other, both homesick for a place that we knew we wanted to return to eventually.

When we broke up, a feeling of loneliness took hold on me like I’ve never felt before. I threw myself into my work, and yeah, it has paid off in spades, but lately, that feeling has been back, and I’m unable to shake it.

“Is this just because you made a quick trip home, or because the holidays are coming up?”

The holidays apart are always the hardest. My family loves to go all out for the holidays; it was always my favorite time as a kid. Once I made ballet my career, I realized that I’d likely be performing Christmas Eve and Christmas day for the foreseeable future. My parents have traveled to see me at some point each December, but it isn’t the same as spending actual Christmas day in Copper Ridge.

“Both.”

“Oh?” she prods. “We’d love to have you back, honey, but I know your place is over there for now.”

I purse my lips together, shifting from foot to foot as I stand at the counter.

“Do you ever think about moving back?”

Nana normally doesn’t ask me about that. She’s always been my biggest supporter, even when I told her I was moving to Paris. I could tell it hurt her, knowing that I wouldn’t be home to visit as often as we’d both like, knowing that we’d miss out on key years in both of our lives, but she knew it was what I wanted, what I needed, so she forced a smile and told me how proud she was of me.

“I don’t know what I want,” I whisper. “Well, I do, but I don’t. I want to be here. I want to keep dancing for the ballet, and I love Paris, but … but I miss home.” I miss her, my parents, and my small town. I miss Lukas, his family. Ivy. “I wish I could have both worlds.”

She’s quiet, and I can imagine her nodding along. She’s probably sitting in her recliner, resting in front of the living room window so she can keep an eye on the neighborhood. “Well, I think when the day comes where you’re ready for a change, you’ll know it.”

“Think so?”

“I do.” Her voice is calm, firm. Sure. “I think if you’re still questioning which path to take, then maybe you truly don’t know. But there will come a day when you realize what you’re doing isn’t working for you anymore. It might be next month, it might be another ten years from now, and then you’ll have a decision to make. But the important part is that home will always be here when you’re ready.”

The bridge of my nose stings, and I nod. “You’re probably right.”

“Always am, dear. Always am.”

CHAPTER 27

Lukas

SEPTEMBER

The scream from my alarm jolts me awake, and I swing my arm across the bed, fingers searching for my phone. With a fumbled swipe, the screaming stops, and I roll over, groaning at how exhausted I am.

Another fifteen minutes, I think to myself. I can skip a shower today and sleep for fifteen more minutes. The cows won’t mind if I stink like shit.

With a few taps on the screen, I set a timer and roll over. As soon as my hands are tucked under the pillow, my phone rings.