Page 42 of Worth the Fight

But Copper Ridge isn’t my home anymore.

He lowers his head, his lips so close to my neck that I can feel the little hairs rise, as if they are desperate to feel him, reaching for parts of him that they have missed. “You have a beautiful life in Paris, Mags. It’s on hold, waiting for you, and I think you need to get on that plane. But know that it’ll be okay. I’ll still be here, thinking about you every day. You know how to reach me if you ever need to.”

The bridge of my nose stings, and my legs wobble. Lukas tightens his grip around me, and I let my body slump against his.

“What if I had known?”

Lukas stiffens, and I force my hands between us, sliding them up so my palms rest on his chest, and I can gently push him back. With blurred vision, I stare up at him. “What if I had known what you went through? What if I had somehow been able to reach you, to get to you before you spiraled? Do you think … Do you think we wouldn’t have broken up? Do you think our lives would be different now?”

Maybe when he moved home, if I was there, we would have made it. Maybe he wouldn’t have continued drinking. Maybe we would be married by now. Maybe we’d have our first child together. “I should have tried harder. What if … What if when you were discharged from the military, and I came home … I could have flown here. I could have forced you to talk to me, Lukas. I could have done more. I could have⁠—”

A soft hush leaves his lips. “That’s the whole point, Mags.” I can see him work through his emotions, trying his best to fight the tears. “I’m glad you didn’t know. I’m glad you didn't give up everything you worked so hard for because of me. It shouldn’t have been on you to work that hard. It’s not healthy, being in a relationship the way ours was at the end. I wasn’t trying at all, and you were trying too hard. One person can’t give their all while the other is barely giving. That isn’t love.”

“But I⁠—”

A static-filled announcement interrupts him. “Final boarding call for flight 3844A to Charles De Gaulle, Paris, boarding now.”

He pauses, looking down at me with a forced smile. “I think that’s your plane, pretty girl.” Before I can answer, he roughly pulls me to him, his head dropping to rest on the crook of my shoulder as he exhales. “It was so fucking good to see you, Mags.”

As if on command, a sob breaks through from my mouth, and I grip him tighter, nodding against his shoulder. “I’m so happy Nana is a meddling ole thing.”

With heavy reluctance, he releases me, and with a sad smile, I turn away, letting a hand fall to rest on the retractable belt that forms the line. I pause, turning to look back at Lukas, at his tear streaked and torn face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see an older woman come up, and I move forward in line. Another passenger approaches, and another, and soon, I’m third in line, digging through my carry-on to hand over my ID.

“A cute boy like that and not even a goodbye kiss?”

I spin around to face the little old lady who had watched the last few minutes of Lukas and me unfold. “Oh,” I mumble, feeling my cheeks heat. “Yeah, there’s … it’s a lot. Lots of history between us.”

She nods. “Love is a lot, sweetie.”

I smile politely at her just as I find my wallet, flipping it open to pull out my ID.

“All I’m saying,” she continues, “is that if I was your age again, and I looked like you, and a handsome young man like him was looking at me that way, you best bet I’d leave him with a big ‘ol kiss.”

I chuckle at her comment, thankful for the reprieve, but then her words sink in a little further. “Looking at me, how?”

She turns back, and I follow her gaze until we are both staring at a sullen Lukas, standing alone with both hands tucked into his back pockets. When he sees us looking, he forces a smile, raising one hand in goodbye.

“He’s looking at you like you hold his whole world, everything that could ever possibly matter to him, and he’s watching you walk away with it.”

A full body shudder rattles through me, and suddenly, I’m fifteen again, standing in the middle of the Hart’s horse barn at midnight, knees trembling.

“How do I look at you?”

His throat works in a heavy swallow. “Like I’m the only thing you see. Like I’m all there is.”

“What if you are?”

I knew at fifteen years old that Lukas Hart was all I wanted to see. Damn the time lost, the distance, the harsh words, and tears shed. We’ve been through some of our highest highs, and still working through the lowest of the lows, but dammit if Lukas isn’t still all I see.

But even more than that, I hate what happened between us. I hate all the nights I’ve spent alone, awake, crying, wondering, screaming to no one, wondering why it couldn’t have worked out between us.

We have a lot to unpack. A lot to say to each other and more tears to cry, but if I know anything for certain in the entire world, I know that there isn’t a man I could ever love more than him.

With a soft hand on my elbow, she tries to usher me forward, but I push back, her words repeating through my mind as I stare at Lukas.

The agent at the desk calls for me, their hand reaching out for the ID that’s held between my two fingers, but all I can do is watch Lukas.

Lukas.