Page 70 of About the Green

I want to go back in time and find a way to be more supportive to you all along, knowing what I know now.

None of that comes out of my mouth, instead, “I… I don't see why that's important right now."

"Oh," is all she says, dismissing me and paying more attention to her phone. I wasn’t the right thing to say and I know it. But I’m just a little bit preoccupied.

When we finally get to our meeting spot, I say a silent prayer that I'm not going to end up taking a fucking bullet in this meeting.

I don't know what I was expecting, but the only people in the building are Blue, Redd, Racquelle, and Lidia. Nina stops in the doorway, likely feeling that something's off. "Where's—"

"Come and sit," Racquelle says.

Nina obeys immediately, going to sit in the empty chair across from her. There's one other open spot beside her and I take it.

"We called you in a little earlier than the main meeting today because of some actions that have been brought to the forefront," Racquelle says.

Nina looks around and then back to her Queen. "What actions?" she asks.

Then Blue speaks up. "Vert has brought to our attention that you have been actin’ against orders and potentially makin’ problems for the families that cannot stand."

Racquelle looks at her partner, saying, "Though I understand the intentions of what you've been doing, it appears that the unprofessional way in which you have been going about the hits could bring unwanted attention to the family that would be detrimental."

"What?" Nina questions, blinking rapidly before squeaking out. "I've always told you what I'm up to, Racquelle. I've never kept anything from you."

"I understand that, but once it starts to fuck with the money, it becomes a problem."

"But I haven’t,” Nina looks around, hoping to catch someone’s support. No one can offer her a thing. “Nothing has affected the money,” she reasons.

"If we're put under question, or if we have to scale back because we're under scrutiny, that cuts into our bottom line. I didn't care what you did before because, to be fair, I found it acceptable for you to clean up the scum, but at the end of the day we're not a nonprofit, and there's plenty of horrible shit happening in the world. All our efforts should be productive toward that bottom line.”

Nina looks chastised. Her posture slumping forward to rest on her elbows, asking, “So, what does that mean?"

"You've taken your last life. You couldn't do it discreetly, and so it ends today."

Nina pushes off from her chair. "You don't understand."

Racquelle’s voice booms in the space. “Oh, I do. I understand that I've given you an order, and you either follow it or you take your last breath, too."

Nina's eyes shine with hurt at the coarse words from her Queen.

"Is that understood?"

The heavy wood door opens and Liezel comes into the room. "What is this?"

Lidia immediately stands to give Liezel her seat.

"I'm pulling Nina," Racquelle says.

“Pulling Nina for what?” The woman asks, taking her seat beside her leader.

“She had been taking out those pedophiles and predators for long enough. Protecting women is always important to me. I understand her motivation, and I get that we can all benefit from having less of them walking among us. I can't let it cut into the main purpose of our business while she’s playing vigilante.”

Here we are at the moment, months ago, I’d been proud to see happen. But Nina’s dejected look and drooping shoulders do nothing but tear me up inside.

I’ve seen many sides to the woman before me. Each new thing I lear about her only makes me more and more feral about protecting her from the things that have made her feel small and insignificant. I’d strike down anything that came to harm her.

She tried to do something good with what was bad about her life. Tried to be the savior that she wanted to find her when that fucking piece of shit took her. Her heart was in the right place and she was doing the best she could with what she had.

Because of me, she’s losing this small outlet to calm the turmoil inside her.