Page 53 of About the Green

The sting of knowing that Geno was going behind all our backs and was still able to be close enough to me and my family is sharp.

At some point, Redd came over, and it brings the same thing to mind.

At what point can we build trust with others in this line of work? Where does the loyalty stop when it comes down to it? If the money is better somewhere else, or if the protection is somewhere else, what would make someone stay? Is integrity a question of making a better choice to keep safe or is it in the loyalty to your family?

I couldn’t know Geno’s motivation for betraying us all. I couldn’t know what was on the line for him to do such a thing. I’ll only know the repercussions of his action and how it felt personal to me. What was given to him that made him put me and mine in danger? In more danger than we already are in…

Is the kind of dirt he was doing more wrong than the dirt we’re already doing?

We're selling weed. We should be protecting those who are selling the weed. That's my main thing. It's what I do best, and right now, I'm not even technically doing that.

I'm watching over a woman who has been murdering men like it's nothing.

Her impulsivity or just desire to take lives is not protecting the people in this family. It’s putting them in harm's way, with every sloppy attempt she makes. I’d helped her cover it up, and though accessory to murder doesn't necessarily come with the job, it's becoming something that I'm concerned about.

Is she doing okay?

What ended up happening the other day?

Is the dirt Geno did, worse than helping cover baseless murder?

It's taken everything in me not to follow up with her just to make sure that she did get out okay. That there's not some big issue that I wasn't there to help her fix.

But it's not my job to help her fix it.

The only reason why she sent me a text is because she thought that I would help her. Here I am, feeling guilty that I wasn't able to help her.

It's ridiculous.

And on top of everything else, I can't stop thinking about the last time I had her in my hands.

I'd be a fool to say that I didn't want it again.

I'd be a fool to say I don't want her again.

I'm smart enough to know that just fucking someone else won't clear my head of Nina. But I also have to think about the implications of having her again.

Someone who submits that beautifully needs someone who can take care of her.

Can that person be me?

Do I want that person to be me?

On a carnal basis—Of course, I want to bend her. I want to bend her to my will, just to see how beautifully she submits again.

But there's also a responsibility in being someone's Dom that I don't know I can take on right now.

I couldn't possibly be the best person, but I can't imagine that anyone else would be a better person for her.

She has a lot that she needs to work through, and though I don't feel like I've taken advantage of that pain, I know for a fact that there's much to heal within her.

Am I the person to help her do that?

There are too many questions when it comes to her. Thankfully, I have plenty of time to think it over as I sit through another airport visit to get back to Atlanta to explore a new trail to lead us to the man we're looking for. Redd had sent me plenty of information about blue hat, and we needed to follow that as much as we possibly could.

As soon as I get to Atlanta, I go to Nina's place, only to realize she's not there. Redd doesn't ask me any questions when he gives me her location upon request.

So, as I stand outside of this restaurant, looking inside, I can see her at a table with a man who is very much not in a blue hat. They look cozy and it’s hard to miss that she is believably into what he’s saying. Her body language gives every cue that this date is legitimate.