Page 46 of About the Green

She laughs and then smirks, the abandon of the sound, calming something in my chest. “You doing something reckless?" She manages to ask once she’s calmed down.

"Yea, I know.” A small smile stretches my cheeks. “Can you believe it?"

She chuckles, this time more to herself. "I can,” she says without judgement.

Of the two of them, Racquelle has always been the one who was more careful with me. Always keeping me around to make sure nothing happened to me, checking on me often, and treating me like her delicate thing. At one point, I needed that from her. When she saw what my pain could be, that’s when I got some of my freedom back. But not completely. I was surprised that she had let me come to Atlanta without her in the first place. I guess her trust in Vert must be immense since she has barely checked on me.

"Well, I may have done something I can't take back,” I admit.

With the tone of my words, she stops laughing. “Like what?"

My head tilts as I think of the grumpy man who I left this morning. “I can't exactly say what it is, but I can say that I'm feeling like I regret it."

"You regretting something? What was it? Did you buy—"

"It wasn't something I bought, although I should buy something…”

"Yea, shopping does help temporarily, but, emotionally? I don’t think so. You said something you regretted. That’s serious.” Her eyes grow in size, and she pulls me over to the side of the hallway we're in. "What did you say? To who?"

"Well, it's not really that.” I’d told Vert about Chris. He was where my down spiral began. Talking about him was never an issue for me. It was what happened after him that hurt most to utter aloud.

Her perfectly manicured eyebrow scrunch on her forehead. “Okay? I'm so confused on what's happening right now. What did you do?”

On an exhale and a rush I confess, “Well, I kind of told someone about Chris.”

Eyebrows shooting up to her hairline, she reaches for my arms, “Why?” Her question isn’t panicked but concerned.

"I don't know. I just... What do you do when you overshare? I mean, you can't take back words that someone's already heard. They heard them.” And I know Vert will never forget the things I said.

“They heard them,” she repeats, holding my eyes with her own.

"I know, but, like, I just want them to forget that I said that in the first place." He was so focused and attentive, I know he’ll never let those words go.

“You can't now. What's so bad about sharing something about yourself?"

"I ended up sleeping with that person."

"Okay. Now, this is getting juicy,” she drags out, and then chuffs. "So, if you shared this and you slept with them, they must be something serious. When am I gonna meet them?"

"No,” I shake my head. “You're missing the point. The point is that I don't ever talk about that."

"Who would you ever talk to? The only people that you ever let close to you are me and Racquelle, and we know the story front and back." I wince from her perception. She sees what a big deal this is for me. “But you are evolved from that… You've healed."

“What if I haven't healed? I…”Cross my arms, being careful of the bandage at my side and rephrase, “What if that pain is still present and… everything that I felt at that point, and even more so, everything after, is not healed?"

"Then I would tell you we can work through it,” her gentle expression allowing me to take a breath of relief, if only for a moment.

“He said he wanted to fix me."

"He? Fix you?" she questions, and I wince again, and this time not from physical pain, but from embarrassment.

"I..."

“So this person you told is not someone that you are in a relationship with?” she hedges.

I shake my head, “No.” Though the thought of being in a relationship with Vert is not as unappealing as I thought in the past, though. I don't think I really thought anything about being in a relationship with him because it just seemed so unlikely. He's always trying to catch me in the act or prove me wrong or put me in my place, which, in my mind, never really amounted to this is going to be the next guy to date or be with in that way, but then last night happened…

"Fuck, sweetheart, you have to figure out exactly what you're doing. Yea, sex is fun, and sex doesn't have to mean anything, but you didn't really go into it that way. This was, dare I say it, intimate. And with a man?”