Page 17 of I’ll Be Home for Christmas

‘And your boss really was all right with it? You’ve got time off for the wedding and for the honeymoon already.’

‘We’ve just finished a big job and my boss agreed the timing works. She knows how close I am to Grumps and Nanna, and that they can’t come to the wedding. And she always says family first.’

‘I like your boss. Family is important.’ He put a hand to her cheek. ‘You’ve been working really hard. I’ve been worried about you, you seem worn out. Work and getting ready for the wedding is a lot.’

She felt a flutter of panic at the thought of what was going to be a bigger wedding than she’d ever anticipated, with a long guest list and all eyes on her, the bride. She’d never liked being the centre of attention, and every time she thought about it she felt her heartbeat increase and her palms start to sweat.

‘You have work and the wedding too,’ she said.

‘You don’t need to worry about me,’ he’d told her.

But the whole way to the airport she was worried. Worried about what to do, worried about whether she was going to break her fiancé’s heart if she decided she really was too young to get married. Was she going to be this way for evermore? When she was in her thirties, married, with children, what would happen then? Would she be a crappy mum and run for the hills just like she was doing now?

She put on a soft beige jumper with jeans and went downstairs. Grumps and Nanna were in the lounge, and it sounded like Meg was in the kitchen.

‘She’s making us a hot chocolate,’ Grumps announced.

That was one thing Sarah did know about her auntie: she was a chocolate expert. What must it be like to work with chocolate all day?

Meg had come up behind her as she hovered in the doorway to the lounge. ‘I heard you coming, so I made you one too.’ She passed over a mug with silky chocolate liquid inside. It smelled divine. ‘I assumed you liked chocolate.’

‘Of course.’ Sarah took her mug into the lounge and sat in the chair next to Grumps, who was closest to the fire. She thought about her mum, how she would feel if she knew she was with Meg, acting as if everything was normal in this family.

Meg had gone back to the kitchen and came back with two more mugs, then finally returned for her own before she perched her bottom on the ottoman.

Sarah wasted no time enjoying the beverage as Nanna argued with Meg that she should sit on the sofa and Meg insisted the ottoman forced her to sit up properly.

‘This is really good,’ said Sarah to Meg. ‘Do you make hot chocolates at your chocolaterie?’

Meg looked surprised at the question then shook her head. ‘No, no hot chocolate.’

‘Just delicious treats,’ said Grumps and looked over at the sideboard near the table. ‘She brought us plenty of those from The Cocoa Cupboard.’

‘The Cocoa Cupboard is in Camden, is that right?’ Sarah asked even though she knew full well that it was. Because she’d been there. Not that she’d ever told her mum. It was about five years ago, and she’d tried asking more questions about her auntie after she heard Chrissie talking on the phone to Grumps, but her mum had put an end to the topic like she always did. Sarah had got so curious she’d wanted to see Auntie Meg for herself and so went to The Cocoa Cupboard one day. She’d got cold feet though, and instead of going inside she’d left and gone shopping at Camden Market instead.

‘Yes, that’s right,’ Meg answered. She seemed surprised that Sarah knew this much and perhaps she thought Chrissie might have told her, but she hadn’t – everything Sarah knew about Meg had come from her grandparents.

‘Do you love working there?’ Sarah asked.

But it seemed Meg didn’t want to talk about it any more because she got to her feet and offered top-ups of hot chocolate for anyone who was interested.

Sarah declined. ‘I might not eat my dinner if I have any more.’

Astrid held her mug out. ‘I’m eighty-two, no chance of me saying no to seconds.’

Meg sat on the ottoman once she’d delivered the top-ups. ‘I hear you’re staying for Christmas, Sarah.’

‘I am. I thought it would be nice. We haven’t come here in the winter for a long time.’ She hesitated. ‘Last time I was here for Christmas was with my dad.’

Meg set down her mug. ‘I’m sorry you lost your dad. It must’ve been really hard on you. And on your mum.’

‘Thank you.’

The room quietened until Meg gathered up the empty cups as though she didn’t want to sit still for too long. ‘Why don’t I make dinner tonight?’ she said to Nanna, the mug handles looped between her fingers.

‘Oh no!’ said Nanna. ‘It’s my fondue.’

Meg laughed. ‘In that case, I couldn’t possibly. Nobody makes it like you do.’