Page 46 of His Reckless Freshman

As much as it feels like an impossible dream, I want to find a love match too one day.

I think if I did, then maybe I wouldn’t mind sex again.

It’s not just the physical act, it’s the emotional connection. At least that’s what I seem to be picking up from the romance novels I’m reading and this wonderful Bridgerton-fest.

But how do I find a love match?

I’ve never met someone who likes me as much as I like them.

And I know I’m only eighteen—nearly nineteen—and I still have my whole life ahead of me, but I feel so behind everyone else.

Caroline has found her match. They even own a puppy together! Fezzik is the cutest, and they treat him like their baby. It’s adorable and heart-wrenching all at the same time, because I’d love a man to care about me enough to buy me a puppy.

All of Caroline’s friends have boyfriends.

And one of my friends from high school just got engaged.

I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised since they’ve been dating since sophomore year. And I know it’s not uncommon to get engaged straight after high school, but I’ve always thought it was so young, you know?

It made me feel like the odd one out to be thinking that way, but I couldn’t help it. None of us had experienced life outside the bubble. And now that she’s getting married, she probably never will.

But I guess life outside the bubble isn’t that grand. What do I know, right?

If anything, branching away from my friends, going to a different college, and wanting to put myself into the big bad world has been nothing but overwhelming and kind of terrifying.

But I bet having a special someone to experience it with would make it less so.

In fact, I’m starting to wonder the same thing about sex. Maybe that’s why my parents and teachers always made sex outside of marriage this totally taboo thing. Because sex and love are supposed to go together.

Or at least sex and trust.

Maybe I did just have one bad experience, and I shouldn’t let that taint me for the rest of my life.

But how do you find that person you can trust?

I don’t have any male friends. I never have. I’ve spent my life hanging out with groups of girls. We’d giggle over boys, and sometimes one or two of them would have a boyfriend, but never me. The guys at my school didn’t really hang with my group. And the guys I liked definitely avoided us. We were way too dorky and giggly for them.

My phone buzzes with a text and I dig it out of my bag, opening the message from my dad.

Dad: Just checking in. Praying that you’re having a truly wonderful day, Sunshine. Love you so much.

I smile at my father’s sweet words and send back a heart emoji, then figure he probably wants more, so I quickly make something up.

Me: Day is going great. The sun is shining, which always makes me happy, and all my classes have gone well.

Dad: That’s wonderful to hear. And the article? How is that being received?

My stomach twists and I bite my lower lip as I slowly type, then delete, then retype until I end up with…

Me: Good, I think. I’m not sure. I haven’t spoken to any of the basketball team yet. I hope they like it. I tried my best to make them look really good.

Dad: You did a great job. It’s a fantastic article, and I’m sure they love it. Just wait and see. They’ll reach out and thank you soon enough. Love you.

Me: Love you too, Dad.

I close out of that thread and pause to stare at the text I got from Ben yesterday morning. I haven’t responded yet because I don’t know what to say. I was kind of hoping I’d never have to talk to him again after our completely embarrassing conversation. Though I have been obsessing over what he thought of the article.

I just don’t want to get locked into another humiliating discussion with him.