Page 124 of Sweet Heart

“Thank you,” I reply and instantly want to kick myself. Why am I replying?

“Relaxation looks good on you, Catherine. It always has.”

She brushes her finger along mine, the contact brief but effective. There’s a warm tingling sensation where her skin touched mine, and I can’t yank my hand back fast enough. I feel my cheeks flush while Alex smirks. She is clearly pleased with herself.

“I was wondering if I could steal some of your time today?”

“I’m in a relationship, Alex.”

“Mighty presumptuous of you. I merely wanted to discuss a new triage system for children.” She glances at me, her eyes gliding up and down my body. “That should be brought to the Head of Trauma, no?”

I grunt and flare my nostrils, but nod once. Short, clipped, and very irritated.

“Good, let’s say twenty minutes from now? You were always moody before coffee.” She brushes against me again, leaning toward me. “Good to see some things never change,” she whispers in my ear and strides off before I even get a chance to reply.

Dios… what the hell was that? My heart is pounding when I enter the break room, and instead of making a beeline for the coffee pot, I sink down into one of the chairs. Old, cracked, and very lived in. Its cushion wraps around my thighs, and I let my arms sink into the armrests while staring at a blank space on the wall in front of me. What the actual fuck was that?

“Cat? Is everything okay?”

Celeste’s warm voice cuts through my haze, and I blink up into her ice-blue eyes. She stands in the doorway, a look of confusion on her face. When she sees the distress on my face, she takes three powerful strides and sinks into the chair next to me. She leans forward, her elbows resting on her knees, and places a hand tentatively on my knee. I flinch.

“Hey, what happened?”

She doesn’t pull her hand back but keeps it still while she studies me. I squeeze my eyes closed. Only a few months ago, I would have shrugged her off. I would have told her it was none of her business and that private matters didn’t belong in the workplace. But now the words tumble out of me before I can even think about it.

“Doctor Wu and I used to date in med school. We didn’t end things on the best of terms, and it throws me that she is here. She always had a way of making me feel… inadequate. Everything she does and says makes me question myself and… and…”

“And you don’t know what to do with that.”

“I am the Head of Trauma, Cel. She’s mocking me, and I let her.”

“Do you think she is vindictive?”

“Alex? No. Yes. Maybe? I don’t know.”

“That’s an answer, too.”

I take a moment to think on it. Celeste isn’t wrong, and I shudder.

“Death by a thousand cuts,” I whisper, and Celeste frowns. “When Alex and I were dating and I disappointed her, she would turn sour and mean. Not obviously, not in a way that people would notice, but she would make small jabs. Sharp enough for me to feel, but subtle enough for others to perceive as her teasing me.”

“Yeah, Cat… that is vindictive.”

She frowns again, and I see the question on her face.

“I don’t even know why I still try to defend her.”

Celeste nods as if that was the answer she was looking for, and she squeezes my knee.

“Conditioning. But you are breaking out of it. What does Mary think?”

My breath hitches, and I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. I cast my eyes down and bite my lip. We are quiet for a little while. Then she straightens and waits until I look back up to meet her gaze.

“Cat,” she says, much calmer than I expected her to be, and I realize that I actually want her to be angry at me. “This is your nervous system being overwhelmed. It is trying to keep you safe. Telling Mary probably feels dangerous. Do you fear you will lose her or hurt her?”

Both have crossed my mind. She would think I’m having an affair, or that I no longer want her. She would think I’d chosen Alex over her, or at least kept the fact that she is here from Mary for dubious reasons. The longer I waited…

“Yes,” I whisper.