Page 119 of Sweet Heart

While she parted from the world in peace, Paidi and the elders stayed behind in ruin. The emptiness Tara had left behind was vast and almost all-consuming, so they clung to each other in a desperate attempt to celebrate her life instead of mourning her loss. But the seeds of pain take deep root, and when they grow, they absorb all light. That is why Kou followed so quickly, leaving only Deo behind.”

The silence is almost deafening when I read the last sentence twenty minutes later, and for a beat, my stomach drops. Then the first person starts clapping, and it isn’t Cat. It isn’t Ven or Tessa either. It’s a young boy, dressed in all black ,with his hair falling sleekly over his eyes. He can’t be older than nineteen, but his eyes stare right into my soul. His hands come together while his nostrils flare, and I can just see how my words affected him, touching him on a level deeper than understanding. He felt it.

Even when others join him in the applause, my eyes stay on him for an extra beat. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t grin. He only holds my gaze, but somehow, that’s enough.

Red blooms across my chest, and when I finally look shyly at Cat, she grins and nods. Yes, she saw it too. I want to run into her arms and bury my face in her neck, but Ven is already setting up for the Q&A. I barely get time to blink before she gestures to a folding chair and hands me a bottle of water.

“Mary, I think I speak for all of us when I say wow. I mean, that was truly amazing.”

I blush again and let out a soft laugh while I cast my eyes down and swing my legs back and forth.

“Can you tell us where this story started for you?” Ven’s voice pulls me back with a grounding, raspy sound.

“Besides here in the café, you mean?” I quip before I can stop myself, and she lets out a warm laugh.

“Touché. Yes, besides that.”

“Well, it is an homage to the women who taught me how to tell stories. Tara, Kou, and Deo were real people who had a big influence on my life.”

“What influence is that?”

“Well, they came into my life when I was barely nineteen, and just like any other person at that age,” I glance at the goth boy, “I was trying to navigate the world. They guided me. Not just by giving me advice on my writing or feedback on my work, but by helping me with the things that actually mattered.”

I smile fondly as I think back to all the conversations I had with them. Tara was the one to open my soul. She taught me that just because other people perceive the world as dark and depressing, that doesn’t have to be my life’s story. Through her, I learned to embrace my own happiness and take enjoyment in the smallest things. Through healing, through speaking gently to myself, through forgiveness. She was wholesome.

Kou was the night to Tara’s day. Rowdy, playful, and bursting with energy. She was a proud woman who always put love first. Maybe she gave more than she received, but she would be the last to keep score. She showed me how to embrace my sexuality. Not just accept that I am a lesbian, but also own my feelings of lust and intensity. She was the first to notice I’m not made for shallow connections, and she taught me not to shy away from that but to run toward it. She said it would lead to my happiness, and I know she would be proud of who I am today.

Deo, she ruled us all. A queen not just in title, but in every sense of the word. If it wasn’t for her, I might have ducked my head a lot more often. Instead, I know when to lift my chin, roll back my shoulders, and make my presence count. Or my absence. After all, some fights are won by avoiding them altogether.

“You speak about them with great love,” Ven interrupts my thought, and I nod with a laugh.

“Oh, yes, they changed my life.”

“I think you paid them a gorgeous homage in Child of Snow. It’s almost poetic. Was this your favorite scene?”

“It’s one of them, yes.”

“Oh, so there are more?”

I let out a huffed laugh and nod.

“Of course. There are the scenes where she has to flee, her first hunt, and the fight with the manticore…”

“Oh my God.” Ven gasps. “That scene was amazing. Was that the first one that came to you?”

I shake my head, and settle in a little more. This is my territory, this is where I am at home.

“No. I work very chronologically, so the opening scene was also the first to come into my mind. But I’ve known Paidi’s story for a long time.”

“Oh, do you want to tell us more?”

My smile turns even wider because I do. I really do.

Chapter 43

Mary

“Where do you want this one?”