Page 117 of Sweet Heart

I blink up at her. Mary, fuck. She doesn’t know much about Alex. Only that we dated in med school and that she broke my heart. She doesn’t know how she would love me, praise me, and worship me when I was successful, but tear me down, ice me out, and ignore me for days on end whenever I made a mistake. How she made me want to be the best version of myself for all the wrong reasons. Mary wouldn’t understand how I craved her approval and feared her judgment. She wouldn’t understand because she is nothing like that… and that alone creates a sense of peace that Alex never gave me.

“Kitty Cat?” Carmen asks more softly now, her hand coming to my shoulder. “Will you?”

“I… don’t know,” I answer quietly.

A part of me wants to protect her from the worry that would come with it. She would get in her head about it. At first, because she wouldn’t want Alex to get her claws into me and hurt me again, but then she would ask herself if that’s what I want. She would come up with scenarios where I’d leave her to be with Alex again, and I can’t put her through that. But I can’t lie to her either.

“Well, you better figure it out, Cat.”

Carmen’s jaw ticks as she turns on her heel and marches out before I can even respond. The fire in her eyes is one I’ve never seen before, and for the first time in my life, I feel that she has sided with somebody else, with Mary, over me.

“It’s not like—” I try, but she is already gone.

I sink back into the chair and pinch the bridge of my nose. She isn’t wrong. I do have to figure this out. Mary is my partner, my other half, and I’ve chosen her with my whole being. I can’t risk losing her over a woman who was once in my life. I’ve learned my lessons from Alex a long time ago. I am a professional. I can deal with this.

“¡Joder!” I growl as I slam the side of my fist against the table.

“Wrong time?”

My head snaps up toward the door. Those hazel-green eyes sparkle as she takes me in, with that same frustrating grin taunting me. What is she doing here? She’s supposed to be doing her first rounds.

“Alex,” I say, my voice clipped and almost neutral.

“Hi, Catherine,” she purrs before slinking into my office.

No! I don’t want her here. Not now, not before I’ve figured out what to do with this. Why is she even here? What does she want?

“It is really good seeing you again.”

I press my molars harder against each other. That feeling isn’t mutual, so why is my breathing so shallow?

“Head of Trauma, huh?” she smiles, as she sinks into the chair in front of me. “I always knew you would go far. I am proud of you.”

My chest constricts, and I hold my breath. She looks at me, warm and inviting. I almost lean into the compliment. Almost.

“Too bad you haven’t put any more effort into the center you planned to build. I can’t say it surprises me, though. You always tend to bite off more than you can chew,” she coos like I am some sort of child. “But it’s nice to see you ended up in a good position.”

There it is. Barbed wire dressed in velvet, slowly being dragged along my ego, masking the cuts with soft strokes as if they never bled at all. I don’t clench my jaw, I don’t lift my chin, I don’t even roll my shoulders back. All I do is stare at her from behind what Mary calls my mask.

“Did you need anything, Doctor Wu?” I ask after a beat of silence, and her eyebrow arches briefly.

“Just wanted to say hello,” she smirks, but her hands slide into her pockets now.

“And so you did. Now, if you will excuse me.”

I turn to my computer, turn the screen on, and log into my account without looking up at her again. She shuffles for a moment and then huffs.

“I should have known you weren’t mature enough for this.”

The door closes softly behind her. She isn’t one to make a lot of noise. Alex doesn’t scream, curse, or throw things. She moves quietly and untraceably, like odorless gas. Toxic if you stay inside it for too long.

I exhale when I am alone. My breath comes out shaky, and my fingers tremble. At least I didn’t give her a response. Didn’t you?

I fish out my phone and text Mary.

06:18 p.m. – Katherina

Home in an hour. Have to wrap up charts. Long day.