Page 76 of Burn Protocol

“Please, come in.”

I step aside. When she brushes past me, her scent hits me. Fresh linen and coffee, like Sunday mornings spent in bed. My body responds to the memory of that smell, and I gasp. Loud and deep. Maya spins on her heels immediately. Her eyes are filled with worry and her hand reaches for me.

“Are you okay?”

Her eyes travel over my face and my body as if she is scanning for injuries. Always putting others first. Always caring before feeling for herself. Maya is pure goodness. Light where there is only dark. Sap. My eyes fill with tears and I no longer trust my legs.

I fall back against the wall, barely able to suppress the sob coming from my chest. Her mouth falls open as she rushes to hold me. She pulls me into a tight hug and I just melt into her. This is exactly where I belong.

My fingers grasp at the fabric of her sweater as I press my face against her neck. My tears fall now, and my breathing stutters. Maya doesn’t back away, but instead holds me even tighter.

“Lo siento, Maya,” I hiccup against her skin. “Lo siento.”

She doesn’t tell me everything is okay or not to cry. She just rubs calming circles over my back while her own tears fall against my cheek. I lean back to look at her, my eyes watery and probably red-rimmed. Her lip is trembling and slow tears are rolling down her cheek. I pull her back into my arms, nearly crushing her. My hand cups the back of her head and she leans into my shoulder, finally allowing herself to break down too.

“Why?” she gasps in between sobs.

She doesn’t have to explain. The way her body tenses against me tells me more than her words could. Maya needs answers. She deserves them. The fog in my brain lifts, and a clarity dawns on me. My breathing evens out, so I inhale deeply.

“Because I am scared. And that made me stupid.”

She leans back, her face wet with tears and her eyes blotchy. Her gaze carries something that looks a lot like offense.

“You are not stupid,” she croaks, her voice thick with emotion.

“Maybe not, but I did act like it.”

“Mm-mm,” she agrees, no sign of amusement in her eyes. “Now what?”

The question is uttered casually. I blink. It’s not casual, Gonzales. She needs reassurance. And suddenly I see it. The haunting look in her eyes, that desperate need to know. That ache that I’ve put there. So, I say the only thing that I can truly offer her in this moment.

“Now, you tell me how to fix us.”

I am still shaking when Elena guides me to the couch. As soon as she sits down, keeping some distance between us, I close the gap and curl up into her side. She doesn’t waste another second and puts her arms around me. My tears drip down, hot and thick, but it feels as if I can finally breathe again. Even if it’s with hiccups and gasps in between. She carefully strokes my hair, her heartbeat steady beneath me, but doesn’t move to do anything else. She is giving you space. I know it won’t change. Not until we talk.

“W…what are you… scared of?” I manage to push out.

She tenses for a moment and I feel her muscles go rigid. But instead of pulling back, she pulls me closer against her chest. She lets out a shuddering breath that tickles my neck. My skin responds by pebbling into goosebumps. Why do you feel so comfortable with her even though she broke your heart?

“I thought I was scared of losing everything I worked so hard for. My job, my calling, my crew. Maybe it sounds pathetic to some, but… it’s my whole life.”

She stares off in the distance, clenching her jaw. I look at her, registering the storm of emotions behind those eyes. Slowly they come back into focus.

“At least, that is what I thought. Until…”

The abrupt stop makes me frown. “Until what?”

The small smile that curls up at her lips softens her entire face. She finally looks down at me, her eyes filled with something I can’t quite name. Her hand moves from my shoulder to my chin. She puts her index finger underneath it and brushes her thumb over my bottom lip. I shiver, my mouth parting slightly.

“Until you.”

She smiles again and closes her eyes for a moment.

“Maya, you have turned my world upside down. I never wanted more, but here we are. Now I want it all… and that frightens me.”

“You want it all?”

“Yes. I want to come home to you. To have your smell on my hoodie. I want to chuckle while rearranging my car seat because you have shorter legs…”