Page 52 of Burn Protocol

“I regret nothing that happened,” I flash her a crooked smile. “Go home, prepare for the interview, and we will do it tomorrow. Chief is most likely going to put me on paper duty anyway.”

She nods and gives me a watery smile. I have to fight every instinct inside me not to pull her toward me and make this go away. To tell her that nothing will change. I don’t want it to. But in all honesty, I don’t know what will happen. Tomorrow, real life will come knocking again, and I’ll have to return to being Lieutenant Elena Gonzales. And that, that might just change everything.

I can’t help but smile when I walk into the station. My body might be tired and wrung out, but it is aching in all the right ways. I can still feel Elena’s teeth, fingers, and mouth all over my body, with every step I take. But taking the time to focus on the interview was the wise decision. Even if I had not liked it in the moment.

When I got home and sat down, the realization of the situation dawned on me. I have seriously crossed the line and that feeling still gnaws at me. Even if it cannot overshadow the joy I feel spreading through my body when I remember all those kisses, those bites, the look in her eyes… I shudder.

Tommy greets me with a bright smile and rushes over to open the door for me. I smile back at him and make a mental note to get him something nice tomorrow. Maybe a croissant or something.

“Hey, Maya,” he beams. “How’s it going? Is Gonzales easing up on you already?”

His eyebrows wiggle up and down, and I have to suppress a laugh. She has eased up on me alright, but that is not something I can say here at her workplace. So instead I just nod my head slightly.

“Yeah, we are making it work.”

His grin grows bigger.

“Knew there was a softy under there somewhere. How much longer are you staying?”

His question startles me. Not because I didn’t expect him to ask it, but because the sudden feeling in the pit of my stomach is so overwhelming, that I have to reach for the doorframe to keep myself steady.

“Whoa there, are you okay?”

Tommy’s hand supports me by my elbow, before I can slump down. I nod weakly at him as I try to push the feeling away. What the hell, Maya?

“Sorry, I still have to eat,” I stammer apologetically. “Let me go and take care of that.”

He nods and lets go of my arm reluctantly. I don’t give him any chances to reconsider, and rush inside. A few steps down the corridor, I press my back against the wall and catch my breath. What is going to happen when my time here comes to an end?

***

Elena is already propped up at the table with a steaming cup of black coffee in front of her. For a moment her pupils dilate when she sees me, but when she returns my smile it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I frown and study her face for a moment, but she only looks at me softly.

“Are you going to stand there all day?”

She quirks an eyebrow and slightly dips her chin. The movement is almost like a dare and it instantly makes me grin. I pull the chair back and plop down on it.

“Of course not. We have work to do before we get to play,” I tease lightly.

I see the corner of her lip curl, but it’s gone almost just as quickly. She nods and straightens her spine, the softness draining from her face now. She is slipping back behind that cold and decisive mask that fits with the lieutenant side of her, the one that keeps her alive during hard times.

“Let’s hear it,” she says with a clipped tone that makes my insides freeze.

I frown and look at her again. Her gaze doesn’t leave my face, she is not acting any different, but something still doesn’t add up. Maybe she regrets everything now that she sees you. Oh, fuck. What if she does? Or worse, what if she had not wanted me to leave yesterday and feels betrayed that I did? Or… don’t go there, Maya. What if she thinks I took advantage of her while she was at her weakest. Shit.

“Are we… okay?” I whisper, suddenly hoarse.

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be?”

Elena’s voice is steady and warm. There is no malice, no indignation, nothing that indicates that she is upset with me. What if it was just a one-night thing? Enough with the what-ifs! I shake my head and clear my throat, before I whip out my voice recorder. I look at her again for confirmation and she nods once. Solid.

“Okay, here we go then.”

I press the record button and the red light starts glowing. From my peripheral vision, I see Elena stiffen. She still hates this part, and with the questions I’ve prepared I’m not going to make things easier. The first question will be direct and cutting, but honest. Maybe it borders too close to personal, but I would have even asked it if we weren’t… what are we exactly?

I swallow again. Not asking it would do us both a disservice. We need to keep it professional if we want to keep our jobs, right? I press my nails deeply into my palms and will myself to focus. I am a professional for crying out loud. I’ve written statement pieces on strong women ruling the world. This is what I am good at, and I need to trust myself. I can’t just risk my career, not when I’ve worked so hard to get here. Helen might hate me, but she knows I am the best. That’s why she wanted to give me this second chance. If I play my cards right, I might be sitting in her seat ten years from now—and I very much want to be in that seat. I take in a deep breath, and look at Elena.

“Last time we spoke about the importance of keeping a cool head, and I saw it first-hand soon after. What does it do to you, living with that stress?”