Page 100 of Playing for Keeps

“I’ll take you home.”

I shook my head. “No, stay. It’s Will’s birthday. You should enjoy it with him. I’ll take a taxi.”

“Em…” His reluctance was written all over his face.

“Really,” I said firmly, forcing a small smile. “Have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I stood on my toes and kissed him. Then I pulled back before I could change my mind.

“Tomorrow,” I said, soft but certain.

Before he could say anything, I turned and slipped out into the night, the noise of the bar fading behind me.

49

MAX

I rang the bell, trying to breathe like this wasn’t wrecking me, but my lungs were heavy. I ran my hand through my hair, my go-to move when I wanted to look like I had it together. It didn’t help.

Before the second chime rang, Emma opened the door. She looked like she always did when reading: a little rumpled, with her hair tucked behind one ear and that faraway look lingering in her eyes. Her smile was small and uncertain. I could tell she was just as nervous as I was. I stepped inside, intending to walk over to the couch, but she stopped me with a sentence that already gutted me.

“I need to tell you something.”

Every muscle in me went tight, the way it does right before you hear something you don’t want to. “Em,” I said, my voice thin. “I have to go first. Please. I know what you’re going to say, and I need you to hear me.”

Those beautiful, devastating eyes were fixed on mine. They had a way of tearing down every wall I had ever built. I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“Emma,” I said, then stopped. I looked down at my hands, then back at her, the words stuck in my throat. “I… I fell in love with you in that bookstore. You saw right through me and didn’t let me hide behind the… cocky act, but somehow still made me feel at ease. That’s when I knew.”

I reached for her hand, then pulled back, my fingers twitching. “And I know I don’t deserve you… I know that.”

“Max,” she whispered, the way she said my name always steadier than I felt.

“No, baby… it’s just the truth.” My throat burned, but I kept going. “You’re unbelievably kind. You’re so goddamn beautiful and way too smart for me. And I get it – I really do – that you need space to write… that you feel you have to leave to find a new place. If I could… I would pack up right now and follow you anywhere. But I can’t – not yet. My life keeps me here a little longer. In a few years, I’ll be done, and then I’ll go wherever you want to go.”

I swallowed hard, trying to steady my voice before I went on.

“And look, I know I’m supposed to be noble. I’m supposed to step aside and tell you to chase your dreams. But screw that. I’m not that strong, Em. Being noble doesn’t get me you. And I need you.”

I closed the small gap between us, looking down at her, my shadow falling over her. My voice dropped to a desperate, ragged plea. “Emma, I love you. So I’m asking… please. Stay. Pick me. Pick us.”

For a second, I thought maybe I’d gotten through. She looked at me so tenderly, like she was memorizing me.

“Max, I’ve loved every moment we spent together. I love how safe you make me feel, even when I don’t want to admit that I need it. I love how you light up when you talk about the game and how you look at me like I’m the only one in the room. I love the way your arms fit around me, the way you kiss me like you can’t help yourself, and the way you let me see the parts of you that you keep hidden from everyone else.”

“Then why does this feel like goodbye?” I asked, because I was desperate to claw back what was slipping through my fingers.

“I’m leaving,” she said, so quietly I almost missed it. “I’m going back to London.”

I swear, my heart broke then.

“I need to leave, to figure out what I want without…”

“Without me,” I finished for her.

She looked at me, her eyes soft but aching. “Max… if I stay, it won’t be my choice, not really. It will be because of you. And God, that’s tempting.”

I felt a flicker of hope – sharp and cruel – before she crushed it.