Page 76 of Coming Clean

“I’m just… I got lost for aminute.” Hopefully, Jeremy would understand what hemeant.

“I’m sorry. Did I cause it?I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, you have a right toask. I caused it. All this shit is on me.”

“Somehow, I don’t thinkso.” Jeremy had that tone—scolding and yet empathetic—that he usedwhen Connor put himself down.

“I could have stopped it.”Connor couldn’t quite free himself from the memories.

“Do you need me to comeover?”

“I’m not sure.” At leastJeremy didn’t ask what Connor could have stopped. Connor pressedhis hand over his left eye where a migraine was settling. Work. Heneeded to go to work.

“I can come over right nowif you need me too.”

“No, I need to go to work.”Connor took a few slow breaths and forced himself to push thememories back behind the dam he’d built for them. The fucking thingsprang leaks about as fast as he could plug them.

“Is Sabrina working withyou this morning?”

“Yeah.” He looked at theclock—he was going to be late.

“I can drive you if youneed me to,” Jeremy offered.

“No, I’ll be okay. I’msorry I’m so fucked up.”

“Connor, listen to me. Ilo-like you just like you are, and I’m sure you have good reasonsfor your reactions to what you went through.”

He snorted. “So thetherapists say, but they couldn’t fix me.”

“Is this why Sabrina wantsto be a therapist?” Jeremy asked.

“Yeah. She wants me to seea friend of hers, but…”

“Let’s talk about thatlater.”

“Okay. I should go now.”Connor hoped Jeremy would forget about it. He didn’t want to talkto Jeremy or a therapist. He just wanted to find a way to make thepast stay where it belonged.

How are you going to dothat when Mario is even more fucked up than you and that’s holdingyou back from having the relationship you want with Jeremy? Youhave to face this.

Not now.

His phone rang. It wasSabrina.

“Yes.”

“Are you on your way?” sheasked.

Fuck. “Yes,” he lied.

“Are you with Jeremyagain?”

“No, not this time.” Hisvoice sounded hollow and far away.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He wasn’t goingto get away with that.

“Connor.” Sabrina wasroyally pissed.