Page 88 of Graciously His

I give a hopeless scoff. “He’d just come get me.”

Mihi’s kindly expression freezes. When she speaks, her voice is low and cool. “You think that man would trespass here? This is my whenua, Grace. He knows better.”

“He’s your boss,” I whisper, as if Nate might burst in at any second.

“That arrangement goes two ways. I’ve worked this land since before either of you walked on this planet. If Hadley wants my help keeping this place and every living soul on it from falling into the sea, he’d best keep me happy. And he bloody well knows it.”

Relief sweeps through me as I realise she means what she says, and that she might be right. Nate, omnipotent as he might be within my life, doesn’t control everyone.

“It was my mother,” I say, “on the phone. It was her.”

“Oh Grace… come on, girl. Sit yourself down.”

She gestures at the comfortable chairs in the lounge area, and I sit. We’ve touched on my relationship with Mother before, but I’ve not let Mihi see the true depth of the wounds inside me.

“You want to tell me what she said, Grace?”

I shake my head. I can’t voice it, not when it carries an accusation that could destroy everything around us—cast it all into the sea.

“It was just… a lot. Hearing her voice.” Swallowing another mouthful of water, I meet Mihi’s dark eyes. “She h-hurt me. All my life. On purpose.”

My friend doesn’t look away. She simply nods, taking in a slow, deep breath before she speaks.

“No wonder you went white as a sheet when she called.” Mihi points to the northern window over her kitchen sink, where the rolling hills are cast in shadow by the setting sun. “You know how many sheep are out there, Grace?”

I shake my head, a little nonplussed by the question.

“Two thousand. Two thousand ewes, that is. All of them mothers in their own good time.” She leans back in her chair, a tiny smile on her lips. “Any one of those ewes would drop dead before she’d let her lambs come to harm. I’ve seen it more than once. When there’s a threat to the flock, the ewes circle around the lambs to keep them safe. A stray dog in the paddock, they protect the lambs, even if their throats’ll be ripped out. And they don’t hesitate about it, Grace. They’re docile and silly, sheep are, but they protect their babies.”

I realise I’m crying at the image of fluffy ewes being collared red by a bad dog. I wipe my cheeks, unsure of what to say. Mihi goes on, her voice as soft as sun-warmed wood.

“That’s how it’s meant to go, Grace. What your mum did to you—that was backwards. Insane. Totally against the laws of nature itself.”

“I didn’t…” I swallow hard. “I should have just hung up.”

“You froze. A predator had you in its sights and you froze. Now you need to get past that freeze instinct and remember what you are in the larger order. I might not understand Hadley, but I do know this: he’ll have given you some teeth of your own, intentionally or otherwise.” She nods when I stare at her. “Maybe it’s time to draw back your lips and give everyone a wee taste of what they taught you. Because you’re no sheep, Grace. Not anymore.”

It’s an allegory of my life, but I’m not sure whether it’s true. I don’t know if Nate has taught me the strength Mihi claims on my behalf. Not when simply hearing Mother’s voice brought me so far back into pain and fear.

We sit quietly for a few minutes and my mind turns to what Mother said—that Nate killed Nick. That she sent proof of some kind to the office under Nick’s name. I can picture it now: a neat envelope slipping past Nate’s awareness because he won’t be checking for handwritten attempts at contact. A shudder runs through me. If there’s any proof that Nate was involved in what happened to Nick, I need to see it.

A phone rings.

“Speak of the devil,” Mihi mutters, putting her mobile to her ear. “Hadley? Yes, she’s still here.”

I listen to Nate’s voice, incomprehensible through the phone, feeling the last of my pain fade. Could he have hurt Nick? He was up in the North Island the morning of the accident, but Mother said he’d been planning to take me all along. And he got to Dunedin so fast—he was at the police station within hours of Nick’s death. He had the paperwork all set for our wedding that afternoon. Not only that, he also somehow secured a celebrant and witnesses.

I think of his fierce attachment to me over the years, all the ways he inserted himself into my life. His secret resuscitation of my studies. His insistence on paying for everything from HVAC filters, to my tuition, to my AutoDesk subscription. Beneath everything, there was an underlying promise I didn’t register before now: I’ll take you away. I’ll fix what’s wrong. I’ll protect you from your mother—and my brother—even if it costs everything. Especially then.

What if he got tired of waiting, and somehow arranged to—

Mihi interrupts my spiralling thoughts. “Grace?”

“I—what?”

“Hadley wants to come and get you, but I said we needed a few more minutes to relax after all that work.”

Mihi—bless her—is covering for me. She probably doesn’t realise that Nate already knows a call came through because of his spyware, though I’m not sure if his tech allowed him to hear the actual conversation. Regardless, he’s right that it’s time to go home.