Page 201 of Ashborne: Defiance

Was she offering mercy, telling me Grace wouldn’t be accompanied by one of the men? Or making a point to tell me I wasn’t needed?

“That’s good.”

Bren nodded quickly.

It felt momentous to turn to Grace. My ribs creaked with the ache that sang in the hollow of my chest. “Have a good night. Don’t let Gil wager with you. He’ll keep pushing for another, then never let it go once he loses,” I said, trying to smile, but not succeeding, even when Gil cursed at me.

“Oh, I don’t gamble,” Grace said, then swallowed. “But, thank you.”

I nodded and stopped walking because we’d reached the intersection of paths. I found a reason to tease Jhoare for a moment longer, walking backward, away from them, watching.

But Grace never turned around. She kept her eyes on her feet, or on Bren. And as the twilight swallowed them up, I was forced to walk away, back to the stable, and to Kham.

Kham, who hadn’t spoken in my head, but who must have heard all of it. Kham, who knew that I didn’t need to check on him. And that I’d never allow a harness strap to take damage.

Kham, whose head was extended into the aisle as I trudged back to the stable, because he watched for me. Both he and Koa greeted me when I was close, and that surprised and warmed me.

‘Please tell Koa I’m blessed by her,’ I told him. ‘I’ve been so distracted. I haven’t told her how well she’s doing, adjusting to our life here.’

‘I’ve told her,’ Kham sent with pride, crooning at Koa, who tossed her head and bugled.

Watching them, the sweet unity between them, the casual intimacy, made that ache in my chest intensify. And brought the echo of Donavyn’s words again.

My heart has taken a body—a beautiful, desirable body—and now walks on its own, outside of my chest… She is beauty. And fierce joy. Bolstering strength. She is my delight—

I stopped at Kham’s side, scratching his eye-ridges because he’d lowered his head to my level. He snorted and groaned, turning his head into the touch.

‘Is that what it’s like for you, Kham?’ I asked warily.

‘The words are insufficient, but true,’ he responded.

‘Insufficient?’

‘They do not paint all the colors, in all their glory.’

I swallowed hard.

‘They seem like very colorful pictures to me,’ I sent warily.

Kham huffed. ‘Because you have not allowed yourself the experience of the fullness,’ he sent softly.

I shuddered. ‘But Kham… I can’t.’

‘Not true. You won’t. Which is different.’

‘I can’t,’ I insisted. ‘You know me. You know my weaknesses. If I gave in to that fire, I’d lose my self-control. I might harm her and—’

‘You will not harm your mate,’ he intoned, as if saying the words could make them true.

‘You can’t know that! I can’t know that!’

‘I know the bond. I know the Creator who gave it to us. And I know you,’ he added firmly.

I stared at him. ‘Yes, you do. And you can’t deny the risks. Free will, remember? You taught me that. I can step into the best of myself, or the worst. I have the choice. The Creator gives me the choice, and so do you.’

‘And you will.’

‘That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.’