Page 29 of Shadowborne: Reckoning

‘I know you truly desire to protect her. But that is the good in you that has always existed. It’s only expanded in the presence of your mate. Yet, that righteous anger is controlled. Measured. Wise. Your rage… it is not wise, Donavyn.’

I couldn’t deny that truth, but a trickle of unease slid down my spine when I looked at it, because it suddenly felt as if something might shift under me.

‘Why?’

I frowned. That was the question. Why did letting go of rage and revenge feel uneasy to me? I was not deceived about the place of discipline in the world—and the need for a man of integrity to be willing to walk through a process, rather than leap to his own purposes whenever it suited him.

Why was I so ready to forgo what I knew to be right and good in this?

The answer was surprisingly easy to find once I asked myself the question.

Because he’d betrayed me.

He’d disrespected me.

He’d taken skills I’d taught him in good faith, and used them against someone I loved.

And I was so deeply offended by that, I wanted to make him pay.

For what he’d done to me.

God, the thought was disgusting. Prideful. Selfish. Nothing in the face of what she’d endured at his hands. I was embarrassed to have had it, and my first instinct was to deny it, to bury it, to tell myself and no one else that it ever existed.

But I felt Kgosi, his eyes on me in the bond. His heart nudging me. Urging me. And I knew he’d heard the thought already.

I could be a child and deny it. Protect my own pride. Or I could release it. Let her share my vulnerability, as she’d just shared hers.

I knew the right answer.

Knew I had to do it.

And despised the thought.

“Donavyn, what’s wrong?” she whispered against my neck where she’d buried her face again. “You’re in turmoil. I can feel it.”

“I just realized something about myself, of which I am not proud,” I muttered.

“Tell me. I’ll still love you.”

She offered that like reflex. No hesitation. And it sent me into freefall. Dear God, she was incredible.

‘She was Chosen for you. And she is magnificent,’ Kgosi sent proudly. I felt his pride and admiration of Akhane, as well. And something inside my chest crumbled.

I wanted that. The sweet, warm pride. The soft surety. The strength that wasn’t angry.

My dragon had it in spades. He’d always shown me that patience, coupled with an unwavering call to integrity and…

I inhaled sharply as I suddenly, fully, saw myself in his eyes.

And then I looked down at Bren, staring up at me with reddened, worried eyes, and I saw her, too.

And realized just how close I had come to abandoning her to my rage. To the indulgence of my spite.

I could have left her alone—to deal with this shit—just so I’d have the satisfaction of sending shards of Ruin’s nose bones into his skull with my fist.

Dear God… what had I been thinking?

“Donavyn? What’s… what’s happened?”