Page 63 of To All the Guys I Killed Before

“And this isn’t our method.”

I force myself to unclench my jaw. “It isn’t, but it is. Greg’s guilty. They’re all guilty. That’s our method.”

“But we rushed this one,” she says. “And we haven’t done one on-site in forever.”

By “rushed,” she means we pulled our plans together in twenty-four hours. By “on-site,” she means her barn. And by “done one,” she means murdering the fuck out of the man currently strapped to a chair in the Chamber of Consequences. Bringing people to Fi’s property isn’t my preferred method, but it’s the only option that works given all the eyes and cameras around Greg’s downtown high-rise.

“It’s all gone smoothly so far,” I remind her.

“You’re gonna jinx it,” she grumbles. She’s just grumpy because she spent the day doing my boring public Sunday afternoon errands and is now tucked away in my half of the duplex. I, meanwhile, spent the day triple-checking my tools and convincing my ex-boyfriend to meet me at his favorite state park hiking trail with the implied promise of some nostalgia sex afterward. As the latter task took approximately three seconds, I definitely had the easier job.

“I can’t believe he fell for it.” Fi giggles. “I mean, hiking, stargazing, and fucking? Come on.”

“And I didn’t even enjoy two of those things when we were together,” I say. “He always did think with his dick.”

When Greg arrived at our prearranged spot just before sunset, I suggested skipping the tromp into the woods in favor of jumping straight to the sex. He was in my back seat so fast I barely had time to take my seat belt off. I didn’t even need Pell’s fancy dial-a-dose sedative, although I was tempted to see what three clicks of the big-daddy solution would do. No point wasting advanced chemistry, though; since Greg’s body will never be found, I straight-up tranqued him with the biggest needle I have.

The only hard part was getting his dead weight out of the car once I made it to the barn. Fi and I usually handle this two-person job together, but since I didn’t want to wait for Thursday night to give me my usual alibi with Hugo, I was on my own to drag Greg’s unconscious ass into the transport wheelchair so I could push him through the barn and into the Chamber, where I tipped him into the metal chair bolted to the concrete floor. I may have strained five different muscles moving his dense frame around, but goddammit, I did it. And I only accidentally bashed his head into the doorway once.

The second time was on purpose.

So now I’m sitting in the locked outer room watching on the monitors as my ex snoozes away the final hours of his life.

“He’s waking up,” I tell Fi when the fingers of his bound hands start to twitch.

She hums. “I could be there in an hour in case anything goes wrong.”

“Nothing’s going to go wrong,” I tell her. “And Hugo will know if you leave. I need you there.”

I need you not here, way too eager to be my murder intern.

Her silence is heavier than usual, and I sigh. “Can we fight about this later?”

“Fine,” she says with an even louder sigh.

“Just remember that tonight’s the night I watch Love Marooned. And you’d better not spoil it for me.”

“Oh, I’m aware. Your neighbor reminded me.” She sniffs. “Maybe if he wasn’t blaring music, he’d be able to learn some new moves. Unless that’s a cover so he can keep his ear pressed against the wall like I assume he does every night.”

“He does not,” I say. Then I add, far too casually, “Speaking of Hugo, how’d it go?”

“Oh my, my, my.” She gives a tinkling laugh. “What can I say about Dr. Bore?”

I bite my tongue and wait.

“He’s such an incredible dork,” she finally says. “Like a top-to-bottom, grade-A nerd who watches too many martial arts movies.”

He does? But I can’t ask that, so I toss off a light, “Told ya.”

“He’s also incredibly hot.”

“I kno—what?”

“I mean, he needs a tiny makeover, but the raw material is excellent.” She gives a happy little purr. “That jaw? Those thighs? Seriously, he should always wear sweatpants.”

“You saw the sweatpants?” I practically screech it, aware as I do that she walked me right into this.

“I did. They’re awfully snug, aren’t they?”