Page 118 of To All the Guys I Killed Before

My heart leaps, desperate for any consolation. “Yeah?”

She looks down at me thoughtfully. “You’re still breathing.” She bends to scratch Cosmo’s ears, then gives him a little butt pat to get him headed my way. He trots right over and collapses onto my foot, exhausted from his adventures.

“A gap in the fence, huh?” I ask.

“An itty-bitty one.” Felicity holds her thumb and pointer finger close together. “He’s a resourceful little guy.”

The gate flies open with no warning, and Rue comes charging in with her metallic rainbow knife clutched in her fist.

“Hugo Mohr, if you did something to my sister, I swear I’ll…” Her forward momentum falters when she sees the two of us and Cosmo around the fire. “Oh.”

“Good talk,” Felicity murmurs to me before she walks out the gate, pausing to squeeze Rue’s hand on the way past.

Rue. It’s been so long since I saw her.

She looks tired. She looks sad.

She looks like mine, even though I know now she’s not and never was.

I stand and cross the distance between us, unable to help myself. Her amber eyes are unreadable in the low light, and her blond hair is loose around her shoulders. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but her breath hitches when I come to a stop within touching distance of her.

“Rue,” I rasp out. “I…”

Fuck. What can I say? What can I possibly say to undo all the damage I’ve caused her?

“I hate myself for what I did to you.”

Her chin lifts. “Good.”

It’s what I expected. Still, I stare at her beautiful face, lit by the flames, and I let the words tumble out.

“I’ll do anything. Anything you want.” There’s no hiding my desperation. “I’ll kill every member of that fucking forum for you. I’ll cut out their eyes and bring them to you in a jar.”

She says nothing. She simply looks at me.

“Right.” My righteous fury sputters out under her scornful look. “That’s another thing you didn’t ask me to do.”

“If I wanted that done,” she says evenly, “I’d fucking do it.”

I fight the urge to fall to my knees in front of her and press my face into her stomach. God, she’s everything.

“How can I make it up to you?” I have to find a way.

Her lips tremble, but she presses them into a tight line.

“I wish there was something to make it all better. But there isn’t. You can’t.” She sucks in a shuddery breath. “I filled out an application for an apartment a few neighborhoods over. They called yesterday to tell me that it was approved. I can move two weeks from now.”

“Two weeks.”

She should’ve stabbed me. A knife to the heart would’ve hurt less.

“Please let me go, Hugo.” Her eyes meet mine, liquid in the firelight. “I have to put this all behind me, so please just let me go.”

My throat works as I try to swallow past the hard ball of guilt and misery that’s taken up residence there.

I love you. I’m sorry. Please let me try again. I’ll do it right this time. I won’t risk what we were starting to build.

But none of those things are what she needs from me. All I can do is give her this.