Page 34 of The Art of Drowning

My gaze drifted up to where he looked down at me and I knew in that moment that I would still do anything for him.

SEVENTEEN

callum

NOW

This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

And yet it was the most real thing I’d ever felt.

Damien’s presence drenched my world in color. In energy. In life. The way he looked at me made me feel like I could breathe again, like the past ten years had all just been a bad dream that I was waking up from.

He settled between my legs, looking up at me, stunning me with the heat in his gaze. His eyes, the color of the sky on a clear, cloudless day, held so many secrets. So many questions. So much pain. But there was something there under the layers of hurt and secrets. Underneath all of that was the Damien I’d fallen for. My Damien. The sweet, gentle soul who had just wanted someone to love him. Who had wanted someone of his own. Someone to notice him and see him. Someone who thought he mattered.

Damien’s gaze tore away from mine, and I felt the absence of it immediately, but then he nuzzled the base of my cock, chuckling quietly when it twitched. His breath ghosted over my skin, and I trembled. Stretched my arms above my head, my legs spread wide to make room for him. He made me wait. Tortured me with gentle kisses to my cock. Made me writhe in exquisite agony as his tongue caressed my sac, then slid up the underside of the shaft.

I told myself not to compare now to then, to let myself enjoy this, but it was hard not to remember the hurried blow jobs. The rushed hand jobs. The way we never really had enough time to enjoy ourselves. Now we had as much time as we wanted.

Damien took his time, teasing me. Dragging his tongue around the head of my cock, lapping up the precum that leaked out of me.

“Damien, please. You’re killing me.” Every muscle in my body was clenched, quaking, waiting for him to give me more. To suck me down. To consume me.

Damien had the audacity to laugh at me.

“It’s not fun—” My words were cut off abruptly when he took me into his mouth. All. The. Way. Down. Until his nose pressed against my body and then he came back up. His eyes met mine, flashing with hunger and triumph.

Fuck sex. I’d missed just being able to look at him.

Then his tongue swirled around the head of my cock and I took it back. Sex first. Then I would hold him down and stare at him.

I lowered my arms and sank my hands into his hair. Not to control him, just so I could touch him. To remind myself that he was here and he was real. His hair was its natural color now and he’d taken out some of his piercings, added others. I’d have to visit those nipple rings later. But for now, I just needed to touch him. To run my fingers through his hair and try not to think about what came next.

Sure, we were both single, but that didn’t mean that things would magically work out between us. Though we lived close now, we weren’t in the same location. We might not even be in the same place in our lives. I’d been ready to settle down the minute I’d fallen for him years ago, but that might not hold true for him.

Damien released my cock and nipped gently at the inside of my thigh, making me yelp, and my stupid, dumbass dick jerked. I guess I was into biting. Who knew?

“What was that for?” I nearly laughed but had to stop myself. Life had been so fucking weird for the past week that I was worried if I started to laugh, I wouldn’t stop, and I’d break apart completely.

“To get your attention.”

Damien kissed the spot he bit and my heart softened at the gesture. It wasn’t like it had hurt; it had been more of a shock than anything.

“You have it.” I slid my fingers down his cheek, marveling at the stubble, at the ways he was now different and more himself than when I’d last seen him.

“I missed you.” My voice cracked under the weight of our lost years. I felt like Sam had stolen something from me. Something that was once in a lifetime. And I had let him. When it became clear that things between Sam and me would never go back to normal, I should have gone after Damien. But I worried that Sam might cut Damien off—which he’d done anyway.

Damien crawled back up my body, kissing me as he went. He didn’t say he missed me too, but he didn’t have to. I could feel it in the way he touched me like he wanted to climb inside me. He clung to me as if I might slip through his fingers like sand. And when we kissed again, it was explosive. It was the kind of bone-melting kiss I’d waited my whole life to feel again.

Our bodies slid together. I gripped Damien’s ass and pulled him tight against me. He whimpered into my mouth. Fingers threaded into my hair and held it tight, making my scalp sing. He tipped my head back a little and kissed me harder, deeper, with a hunger I was desperate to satiate.

My body belonged to him. Wholly. Completely. Nothing had ever felt this good. Not since him. Maybe that was stupid, and maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was my emotions skewing everything. There was some kind of saying about rose-colored glasses, but I didn’t think that was the case. This was the most right anything had ever felt. Damien was it for me. I’d known it then and I knew it now. Nothing and no one would ever compare to him.

But losing him once had almost destroyed me. Could I risk my heart again, knowing it might end? We weren’t the same people that we used to be, no matter what it felt like in the moment. People didn’t change completely, but sometimes they changed enough. Enough so they weren’t realistically compatible no matter what sexual chemistry said.

Damien whimpered again, and I knew he was close. I fucking wished that one of us had possessed the forethought to bring lube, at the very least. But there was also something delicious about rutting up against each other with nothing more than spit and precum to smooth the way. It was basic and primal and so fucking perfect that I wanted to cry.

Damien’s movements sped up, and our kiss broke. He pressed his forehead against mine and released his grip on my hair, cradling the back of my neck instead. I let go of his ass and skimmed my hands up his back.