Page 59 of Lethal Weakness

No one cared enough to tell me.

My daughter is named after a person that I never even knew existed, and it feels like a violation and a humiliation ritual all at once. They’ve all looked me in the face for nearly four years and lied.

They lie about everything.

“Just so we’re clear… My Avery is correct. If you ever do anything to her again without my consent, I’ll fucking kill you.”

* * *

Exhaustion greater than anything I’ve felt in months plagues me as I carry Avery inside the dark house. She fell asleep in the car, and I have every intention of transferring her to the bed without waking her.

We can take a bath in the morning.

The bedroom is just as dark as the rest of the house, and when I go to lay her down, my entire body goes still. This is a bed.

Not an air mattress… A bed.

I let my sleepy girl curl into a ball in the center while my eyes adjust to the dim room. Our air mattress is gone, and in its place is a full-size bed… Or maybe it’s a Queen; I can’t tell.

Sheets, bed frame, and everything.

I run my hand over the pillows. The one on top is my pillow, but the two stacked beneath it are new. I pick one up and squeeze it to my chest.

Jack. It smells like him. I hadn’t even realized that I memorized his scent. It’s nearly impossible to distinguish, as if he uses scentless soap and scentless laundry detergent.

Somehow I still know it’s him.

My emotions are scrubbed raw after the evening I had, and I can’t force myself to see this as another violation. Nothing about him being in my home bothers me because it’s him.

He doesn’t know how to talk to me about how he feels. He’s not an emotional person, but I know he did this because he cares.

I just don’t know if he did it before or after I yelled at him and pushed him…

Neither of which I feel sorry about, because I felt justified at the time, but I don’t feel good about it either.

He was only trying to help, and he was right. Reacting outlandishly would have scared Avery, and I shouldn’t have threatened to run him over.

He didn’t even blink, though. Turner would have gone off the deep end as soon as I raised my voice to him.

I put my hands on Jack, and the thought never even crossed my mind that he would hurt me, because I know he wouldn’t.

I squeeze his pillow to my chest, inhaling the scent. I want to see him, but I don’t know if I should apologize for earlier, or thank him for the bed first.

Or maybe tell him he was right about the non-bee sting.

My neighbor is turning out to be someone who is taking up a lot of space in my head.

As if the universe knew I was thinking of him, he’s standing outside when I walk out my back door, cleaning his grill with only his garage light to guide him.

I don’t know what happened to his steaks. I hope I didn’t ruin his dinner.

“Hi.” I rest my elbows on the fence and wait to see if he’s going to tell me to fuck off or not.

“Avery asleep?”

“Yeah, she had a big day.” Silence stretches between us.

“Do you want to explain the bed?”